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Guilt can show up in so many ways, and if you’re listening to this, you’re probably familiar with it in some way. It’s something that really holds us back from what we’re meant to do here because it keeps us small. It keeps us hiding, it keeps us shrinking into an old version of ourselves.

My purpose with this podcast is to support you in growing bigger, expanding, and feeling more free to be yourself in whichever ways you desire. I’m right there along with you in this journey, by the way. It’s not that I have all the answers. These are simply some of the things that have worked for me, tools and resources that I’ve used with clients, and that I feel called to share.

Guilt has been coming up with quite a few clients recently. And I’ve said it before, whenever something starts showing up repeatedly, it’s an invitation to go deeper with it, both for myself and as a topic for the podcast.

Where Guilt Shows Up

When we’re looking at guilt, it can show up in so many ways:

Guilt for putting yourself first

Guilt for wanting more

Guilt for resting when you feel you need to rest and not be productive

Guilt for saying no

Guilt as a parent or mother (mom guilt is a whole other category)

How often do these show up for you? I’d invite you to reflect on where guilt has shown up for you or continues to show up, and what kind of stories you have around that.

Once you identify what you’re wrestling with, it’s easier to figure out what you’re wanting to let go of. What you’re wanting to release. You don’t always have to know that, of course, but when we’re talking about it so directly, it’s helpful if you can identify certain things.

Maybe you feel so guilty to rest. Maybe if you’re not doing something, you always feel like you have to be doing something, and if you’re not, it’s wrong. Maybe you feel bad for your family. Maybe you feel like you’re letting people down. However it shows up for you.

where guilt shows up for How to Stop Feeling Guilty

The Productivity Badge I Used to Wear

We are so conditioned in so many ways. One of them is around productivity. I used to wear it like a badge, let me tell you. It was really about the most that I could do… always pushing, always being more mindful about how I could get more out of my time. It was such a hamster wheel.

As you peel back the layers and you learn to soften and let go of some of that, it can really shift a lot of things.

Start with Identifying Where the Guilt Comes From

First, identify where the guilt is coming from. If you can’t, that’s fine. But if there’s something you identify with that feels very present, bring that forward. You may want to journal on it or reflect on it in some way.

And then let’s talk about what you do with that guilt. Where do you put it? Where does it go? Because we want to get rid of it, right? As best as we can. This might also come in layers, but what I have found for myself is that there’s a powerful pathway forward.

Forgiveness as a Pathway Forward

What I’ve learned through a very dear friend and mentor of mine, Sarah Naia Soleil, forgiveness as a pathway to a deeper, richer life experience.

I have found for myself that forgiveness is very powerful as a tool or as a space of inquiry when we’re looking at things like guilt. How can we forgive those past versions of ourselves? How can we forgive the different things that have happened to us in our lives that hold stories with them, stories that keep us where we are now?

This isn’t to say everyone else’s behavior is okay, no matter what. That’s not what we’re talking about here. I’m talking about forgiveness as a way for yourself to move forward. How can you release and let go in that way, especially if it’s something for yourself?

A Practical Example: Forgiving Yourself for Pushing Too Hard

Let’s take the productivity example. If you have something where you’ve been really pushing and you feel guilty for not resting, what can you do? How can you forgive yourself for that so that you can move on and try something different instead?

For example, this could be: Okay, I’m starting with one day a week of giving myself a little more spaciousness. I’m going to block time in the calendar, and I’m going to purposely just relax and see what comes to me. If there’s something I feel like doing (or not) I’ll allow a type of rest or something that feels fun, something where I put myself first. That could be a place to start.

It’s really about how can you forgive? How can you forgive all the conditioning, all the ways that you thought it was best to always be productive? How can you let go of those versions of self that were trying so much?

When I Look Back at My Productive Self

When I think back to how productive I used to be in terms of always being on the go (and I use “productive” with air quotes), when I look back on some of that, I think, whoa. One, I really did a lot. And two, I was doing the best I knew how to do at the time with what I had. I was doing things that I felt called to from a completely different place energetically, because it was a younger, earlier version of myself.

Instead of sitting around and saying, “Oh, why did I do all that? Oh, I did so much, and so now I don’t know, I can’t do anything”. We can blame ourselves, we can shame ourselves, and we can do all those things. But they don’t really get us anywhere, right? They just keep us stuck in that cycle. They keep us clinging to that version of ourselves that was very productive instead of moving forward with a stronger, more aligned, more centered, grounded version of ourselves that is ready to do things differently.

How to Stop Feeling Guilty forgiveness practice

How to Practice Forgiveness

This is just one way guilt could show up, and there are a lot of different things you could do around forgiveness. Journaling always comes top of mind for me for these types of activities, because you could first inquire with yourself: What do I feel guilty around? And then you could inquire with yourself: How can I forgive that version? How can I release those feelings in some way?

I find that usually when we have the intention around it, the rest will sort itself out. If you feel very sincere and devoted to the process, it will sort itself out in so many magical ways. I know it sounds a little open-ended, but it is going to look different for everybody.

The real thing to keep in mind is: What type of guilt are you holding on to, if you can identify it? And then, how can you let that go? How can you release it through your version of forgiveness and kind of just handing it over and saying, “Okay, I don’t need this anymore. I don’t want to carry this anymore.” How do you let it go?

Giving Yourself Permission

The next part that I’d love to explore with you and share is around giving yourself permission.

I hear a lot about this from my Human Design teacher, Jamie Palmer. She talks a lot about giving yourself a permission slip to do the things you want to do. Because at the end of the day, of course no one else is going to do them for you, right? This is your life to live in your way.

Again with the conditioning, we can feel, “Oh, what would other people think if I go and do this other thing?” And it’s not about that. It’s not about what other people think. It’s about what you want for your life.

So what are the ways that you can give yourself permission to take your next step, whatever it looks like for you?

My Personal Example: Building a New Community

A current example for me is that I’m working on building a new community. I’m going to launch a community in the fall. It’s going to be amazing and so much fun, by the way. It’s going to be all focused on the self and the mind-body connection and Human Design and how all of these things come together for us to learn, live more deeply, and connect more with our purpose.

As I’ve been reflecting on that and thinking, “Okay, is this the form or the shape that it wants to take? How is it looking? How am I feeling about it?”—there’s a big part of me that has to just say, “Hey, you know what? Give yourself permission to do this if this is really what you want in your life right now.”

I had a community in the past, years ago, before we moved to France. I loved that community so much. (If you’re listening and you’re from that community, hi. I love you.) But things changed. It was a very local gathering, and then I moved to France. So many different things evolved.

In that time, and since then, I could say, “Oh well, I already had a community. I did that. It didn’t work in some way.” But instead I had to talk to myself and say, “Hey, you know what? I learned so much with that community. There are so many things that I loved about it and other things that I learned that I would do differently this time around. What does that look like?”

So it’s really a matter of getting out of my own way and giving myself permission to do it. Because no one else is going to come and say, “Hey, Mary, do this or do that for your business,” especially if it’s your business. No one’s going to come and do that and say that. Ultimately, it’s really up to you each time.

Finding Ways to Give Yourself Permission

Finding ways to give yourself permission to do that thing that you really want to do and to show up in the ways that you want to show up—you might need some processing time like I did. Time to really get behind it, to say, “Yep, this feels like the right direction for me,” and taking that time and space to reflect.

And then you say, “Okay, well, what do I need to do to give myself permission?”

A lot of times, you need to release the guilt. You need to forgive and move on in your way and embrace your own expansion that you really have been craving deep down in some way, but haven’t allowed yourself to have. You haven’t allowed yourself to have the taste of it, to see the possibility of it, and to say, “Okay, it’s time. It’s time for the next thing, and I’m allowed to have this.”

So often we don’t allow ourselves to have the things that we really want. And again, I’m not talking about things where there are larger obstacles and situations and systemic issues. I’m speaking here about those things that are really in your reach and feel far at the same time because you’re being a barrier to yourself.

How to Stop Feeling Guilty and give yourself permission

What’s Holding You Back?

If there is something right now that you’ve been wanting to do or you’ve been dreaming of doing in some way, and you take a look at what’s holding you back, it’s probably a version of this. It’s probably a version of guilt that you don’t feel that you can take up that space, for example.

So the invitation today is to take a look at all that.

Action Steps

If you’re looking for something to take action on from this episode, I would say journaling is a beautiful way to do it. If you are a verbal processor, go ahead and feel free to record yourself as well, but really take some time to reflect on:

Where are the places where you hold guilt? How can you release that and forgive yourself and forgive the process and potentially other people in that process or in that story for yourself?

How can you give yourself permission? What are the first steps that you can take in identifying what it is that you’re really going after and how you can give yourself permission to go after it?

Because it’s your time to do that. It’s always our time to do the thing that we really want to do and follow the thing that we really want to follow. It’s always a great time for that. It’s always a great time to follow your highest expression, follow the joy, follow the excitement.

In order to do that, sometimes you need to hand yourself that permission slip, just like Jamie says, and go for it and do the thing you want to do.

You’re Not Alone

I would love to hear from you… what you’re working through, what’s coming up for you, if you found this helpful. Please feel free to reach out. I’m on all the social channels. You can send me a message or an email.

If this resonated and you feel like you want to share it with a friend, please do so. It helps the podcast get heard and seen by other people, which is the main goal. I want to share this information in ways that help and support others, including you and your circle and anyone else that feels called.

Thank you so much for being here. I really, deeply appreciate it. I appreciate you. And yeah, more to come on the community too. I’m excited about that.

Thank you so much for listening. Have a great rest of your day, and I’ll talk to you next week.

How to Stop Feeling Guilty decision making accelerator

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: How do I stop feeling guilty about resting? A: Start by identifying that guilt is often tied to conditioning around productivity. Practice forgiveness for past versions of yourself that pushed too hard. Give yourself permission to schedule one day a week for rest and spaciousness. Remember, you were doing the best you knew how at the time.

Q: What’s the difference between guilt and shame? A: While this episode focuses on guilt, both keep us small. Guilt says “I did something wrong.” Shame says “I am wrong.” Both can be released through forgiveness practices and giving yourself permission to move forward differently.

Q: How can I forgive myself for past choices? A: Start with journaling. Ask yourself: What am I feeling guilty about? Then ask: How can I forgive that version of myself? Remember that you were doing the best you could with what you had at the time. Forgiveness is about releasing yourself to move forward, not about saying everything was okay.

Q: What if I feel guilty for wanting more in life? A: This is incredibly common, especially for high-achieving people. The guilt often comes from conditioning that says you should be grateful for what you have. You can be grateful AND want more. Give yourself permission to desire the next thing. It’s your life to live in your way.

Q: How do I give myself permission when no one else supports my decision? A: Remember that this is your life to live. While it’s natural to want support, ultimately no one else is going to hand you a permission slip. Jamie Palmer talks about this beautifully—you have to give yourself the permission slip. What do YOU want? That’s what matters most.

Q: Is it selfish to put myself first? A: Putting yourself first isn’t selfish… it’s necessary. When you’re constantly pushing, feeling guilty for rest, and never prioritizing yourself, you’re operating from depletion. Taking care of yourself allows you to show up as a stronger, more aligned, more grounded version of yourself.

Q: What does forgiveness as a pathway mean? A: Forgiveness as a pathway means using forgiveness as a tool to move forward. It’s not about saying everyone’s behavior is okay… it’s about releasing yourself from the stories and guilt that keep you stuck. It’s forgiving past versions of yourself, forgiving the conditioning, and forgiving the process so you can embrace your own expansion.

Q: How long does it take to release guilt? A: Guilt often comes in layers. You might release one layer and find another underneath. Be patient with yourself. The practice is ongoing. When you have sincere intention around releasing guilt and you’re devoted to the process, it will sort itself out in magical ways—though it will look different for everyone.