#79: Self Discovery Tools, How They Change, and Giving Yourself Permission to Evolve
Hello and welcome to Find Yourself, Change Your Life. I’m your host, Mary Clavieres. This podcast is here to help you rediscover yourself and become the leader of your life, however you want that to look.
Before we get into today’s episode, a quick mention in case you missed last week’s episode, I had a very special announcement that I am launching a new community called Return. Return is a place where you can come back and reconnect to yourself alongside others that are doing the same work.
I always say that there’s so much information out there. We have access to all of it. And yet the part that actually makes a change for you in your life is putting in the time to practice. Return is a place where you can do that alongside others that are signing up for the same type of work, interested in mind-body connection and how learning more about yourself can open new doors and connect more deeply to your purpose.
You can find all the details at community.maryclavieres.com. Founding member bonuses are available and we start October 1st.
Your Self Discovery Tools Are Allowed to Change
For today’s episode, I had this realization the self discovery tools that we use and the ways that we reconnect with self can change over time. They’ve certainly changed over time for me.
I’m not sure if that’s really something that people pay much attention to. But just because something worked at one time in one season of your life doesn’t mean that it’s going to work right now. Or it might look like a different version of that same thing.
I just wanted to give some space and naming to that in this process.
The All-or-Nothing Trap When Using Any Self Discovery Tools
I really do believe as a society we’re really used to following a certain path, mapping it out… this person did it this way, so I’m going to check this box and this box and this box. Or I always started by journaling, so I have to keep doing that. And if I don’t do that, what’s the point?
I have found for me, it was always really easy to get up in my head and want to check the boxes. And then it was kind of like an all or nothing. If I didn’t check those boxes, then I wasn’t doing it right. So then I didn’t do it at all.
If you can relate to that at all, then that’s part of this too.
Self Discovery Tool 1 and How My Gratitude Practice Has Evolved
When I first started out, I started a gratitude practice by writing in the 5-Minute Journal. I’m a big fan of it. It really got me in the habit of writing every morning, jotting down a few things I was grateful for and what would make the day great, and then recapping at the end of the day. I did that for a few years.
As I was doing that, I started to go for walks. And I would do a walk for one minute. I’d literally set a timer, walk around our little development area, and spend a minute saying all the things that I was grateful for, just for a minute. Then I’d continue my walk and whatever. Just for a minute.
Then I upped it to three minutes. And then slowly from there, I expanded and my walks got longer. And I eventually I walked nearly every day for over a year. Maybe I missed a day or two, but I was walking and I always started out with that gratitude piece.
Then from there, my gratitude morphed to other things. Now it’s so much a part of how I operate that something falls on the floor and it doesn’t break, and I say thank you for not breaking because it’s all woven together.
I’m not saying you have to do that right now. But I just want to share this example of how it’s all woven together and our gratitude can show up in many different ways. That’s one example. And as you journey on your evolution, you’ll find that things change and shift for you.
Self Discovery Tool 2 and How My Walking Practice Has Changed
The other place where I first started was around the walk. That was one of the big things for me… I started walking, and that was getting my movement in for the one minute and the three minutes. Especially in winter when it was raining, I’d set the timer and I’d go and I’d say, okay, I’m just getting out for the minute. That’s all.
That grew over time. Walks have become such a part of my rhythm that I feel my body relax as soon as I get out there, as soon as I’m in nature. And it regulates my system in such a different way because I have the habit now and I’ve spent so much time out there on these solo walks, reflecting and just taking in my surroundings and all of the things.
Now, I don’t necessarily walk every day right now. This summer we were very busy and I was not getting outside much. But I talked to my body about it and I said, okay, we’re in a different place. We don’t have our regular routine. It’s going to be okay. Let’s appreciate the times where we do go for the walks. And when we get back, we will regroup and restore again.
And that’s exactly what I did. When I got back, I started going on the walks again. It felt like home. It felt so good to me.
The Pattern That Replaces the Old One
As you shift your reality in different ways and you reprogram your mind you’ll be able to notice when you need something or when something’s not working. Notice it more quickly, more easily. You’ll be able to jump back to your healthy patterns because at some point you’ve reprogrammed from the patterns that don’t serve you to the patterns that do serve you.
And then when you get off of those patterns that do serve you, you crave to go back to that normal. Once you reset and reprogram in a certain way, that will start to become your new normal.
It’s tricky to get to that point because you’re programmed for so long doing things a certain way. It takes work. It takes practice to change that. And no one else can do it for you. And more and more information is not the answer. You have to show up and do that piece.
But once you do that, it’s so worth it. It is so, so worth it.
Self Discovery Tool 3 and How My Meditation Practice Has Shifted
I’ve also done a lot of work around meditation. In the beginning it was really like for a minute or five minutes type of thing. But I started this new practice with a book called The Master Key 24 parts and you do a part each week. You sit for 15 to 30 minutes.
And I had the most profound experience one of those days, sitting in the meditation. I thought, wow, I would not have gotten here without all of the other work and tools and things that I’ve tried over the years.
It was such a powerful feeling. I felt so grounded, so aligned, so like in my element. I felt so deeply connected to my inner world, and I wouldn’t have been able to receive that if I hadn’t shown up and done the other work to expand my capacity and everything.
So the tools work for you in different ways at different times in your life.
Self Discovery Tool 4 – Journaling Then and Now
The other piece for me is journaling. I used to journal every single day, every single day without fail. Now I don’t journal as much. I do some other things instead. But the days where I feel like, oh, I really need to journal, I’m aware of that and I go to it and I use it as a tool.
And so it’s all about playing around and experimenting and integrating them and then having them become such a part of your life that you can tell when it’s missing and when you need that again.
That’s the journey with the mind-body connection really. That’s the journey with listening to yourself, trusting yourself, and being aligned, working from a place of alignment.
Your Permission Slip
Whatever tools you’re using right now is great. And maybe you want to be trying something else, that’s great too. But know that they can change.
Give yourself permission for them to change and evolve over time. And with that, you’ll continue to get stronger and more aligned in the ways that work for you.
When you reflect and look back on different periods of your life and what has changed, maybe some of those tools changed, or maybe the way you work with some of the tools changed as well.
These experiences and this knowing and this understanding and observation and reflection, we’re here showing up and doing this work. And it’s really important to keep evaluating that and finding what works for us and allowing the journey to evolve and change.
If you want more practice with any of this, if you want a supportive community around you, if you want access to more tested, tried and true tools to use to again find what works for you, then please join us inside of Return.
I believe in this work so strongly. I believe that we are here to move in this direction. And for all of us, the work is in showing up and living in our true alignment. This is my way of supporting and giving back to that and living aligned with my purpose.
Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for listening and showing up for yourself and being open and curious with it. I deeply appreciate you and I’m so grateful you’re here. Sending lots of love. Have a great rest of your day and I’ll talk to you next week.
The Return Community
A place to strengthen the relationship you have with yourself. You’re invited to join us here.
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Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What are self discovery tools? A: Self discovery tools are practices, activities, and techniques that help you learn more about yourself, reconnect with your body, and live in greater alignment. They can include journaling, gratitude practices, walking, meditation, breathwork, Human Design readings, and many others. As Mary shares in this episode, the tools themselves are less important than developing a relationship with them over time.
Q: Do I have to stick with the same practices forever? A: No and that’s the whole point of this episode. As Mary shares, her gratitude practice started with a journal, evolved into 1-minute walks, then longer walks, and is now woven into everyday moments. Her meditation practice went from 1 minute to 5 minutes to 30-minute Master Key sessions. The tools shift as you shift. Give yourself permission for that.
Q: What is the 5-Minute Journal? A: The 5-Minute Journal by Intelligent Change is a guided journal designed to build a gratitude habit. Each morning you jot down a few things you’re grateful for, what would make the day great, and positive affirmations. Each evening you recap how the day went. Mary used it for several years as an entry point into her gratitude practice.
Q: What is The Master Key? A: The Master Key System is a book that comes in 24 parts, meant to be worked through one part per week. Each part includes an activity. The first one involves sitting upright in stillness for 15 to 30 minutes without moving. Mary references a profound meditation experience from this practice in this episode and in Episode 78.
Q: What if I feel like I’m doing it wrong because my practices have changed? A: You’re not doing it wrong. As Mary shares, the all-or-nothing trap is one of the most common ways people get stuck. The fact that your practices are changing is a sign that you’re evolving, not that you’re failing.
Q: How do I know which tools are right for me? A: Experiment. Try things. Notice what you crave when it’s missing. Mary’s approach has always been to find what works for you… not to follow someone else’s exact path. The tools that resonate will become part of your rhythm. The ones that don’t can be set aside without guilt.
Q: What is the Return Community? A: Return is a year-long community created by Mary Clavieres for women who are ready to make more space for themselves in the middle of real life. It’s a place to move beyond simply learning and begin putting what you know into practice, so you can better understand yourself, make choices that reflect what matters to you, and navigate life’s changing seasons without losing yourself along the way. Monthly calls, quarterly workshops, mind-body connection, Human Design, self-leadership. Founding member price and bonuses available until October 1, 2026. Details at community.maryclaivieres.com.
Q: I’ve been doing the same practice for years. Is that okay? A: Absolutely. The point isn’t that you must change your practices… it’s that you’re allowed to. If something is still working for you and feels aligned, keep doing it. If it’s starting to feel rigid or like a box to check, that might be worth noticing.
