#82: I Don't Feel Like Myself: How to Come Back to Yourself
If you have ever had the feeling, I don't feel like myself, this episode is for you. We're going to talk about what that feels like and also how you can come back to yourself, because it's one thing to notice it. It's another to take action to shift that energy in some way and get back to feeling like you.
I will make a disclaimer right here at the beginning: I am not a medical doctor. This is not medical advice. And this episode is not taking into consideration things like hormonal changes, which can also have a very big impact on whether or not you feel like yourself. If you feel that you're entering that realm of needing support, please go ahead and do that. This is going to focus more on some of those everyday life type of situations and what you can do to get back to yourself.
When You Wake Up Wondering When You Can Go Back to Bed
When you have this feeling, I don't feel like myself, I'll share just an experience of my own.
There was a period of time where I was waking up in the morning and kind of wondering, when can I get back to bed? Like, when can I go back? I was so tired from all of the things and all of the doing. My girls were very young at the time. I was just kind of feeling like I was really on autopilot in a lot of ways, just trying to get through things, just trying to get through the day to then sleep and repeat.
When you go through this process and when you become aware of that, and then you work on coming back to yourself, you can wake up in the morning differently. That's what happened to me. I wake up in the morning differently now. I think about all the possibilities. I'm looking forward to whatever that day may be bringing.
If you're in a season of not feeling like yourself, there are some things that you can do to support coming back to yourself.
Why You Don't Feel Like Yourself
That disconnection, having the feeling of not feeling like yourself, it can come from a lot of different places. It could be a season that you're in, in terms of young kids. But I've actually had a few clients recently talking to me about caring for elderly parents and what that's requiring of them right now. It can also show up in just the everyday busyness of life. Whether it's the schedule and the activities plus the work and all of the things, it can come up in different ways.
The important thing is to recognize it and recognize that it's a disconnect, and then understand that you can come back to yourself.
Usually what's happening when you feel so strongly that things are disconnected, it's usually because you haven't been checking in with yourself along the way. That can be hard to hear sometimes because it requires you to look at yourself and what you've been up to. But if we check in periodically, if we're really more in tune with ourselves, the disconnection happens less.
It could be that you're in a season where you weren't checking in with yourself as much. That happens to all of us. At certain times of the year, it's easier or harder to check in with the self if you're really overloaded. In September at the start of the school year, or May, June, at the end of the school year, those are times where busyness of life can really take over with all the activities and obligations and change in pace and change in schedule and all of those things. Just being mindful that there are seasons. But if you're able to keep some type of rhythm of checking in on yourself, it will lessen the feeling of disconnection.
Your Body Is the Compass
The main thing I like to say to people in this scenario is, are you checking in with your body?
Your body is really this compass that's telling you all sorts of things that a lot of times we don't pay attention to. If you come back to your body and pay attention, then you can reflect on what am I feeling? What do I need? What feels good? What feels off? You can start to have this dialogue with yourself on where you're at.
That can take you back to things like a quick analysis of:
Am I getting enough sleep?
Am I eating in a way that feels balanced and healthy for me?
Am I getting movement in my day?
These types of questions to kind of help check in and regulate with yourself as well.
I have a full episode on the Five Pillars of Self-Care that you can check out here.
If you can check in and tune into what do you need, it might be, what do you need in this moment? It's not to say, what do you need for the next two to five years. It can be, what do I need in these next five minutes before I go to my next call? It can be, what do I need before I walk in the door to a very hectic home? It might be taking a few very centered, very intentional breaths to recenter and reground yourself. It doesn't have to be big things.
Quality Over Quantity: Making Your Check-Ins Count
It's really quality over quantity. If you only have five minutes, make those five minutes count. Don't make it like, oh yeah, I'm going to do breathing, but I'm going to scroll my phone at the same time. No, you put everything down. Maybe you set the timer and then you say, okay, I'm just focused on my breathing for the next one minute, three minutes, five minutes, whatever number you pick.
Make sure any check-ins that you have for yourself, it's not just, okay, I feel disconnected, so I'm going to check in one time. First of all, you need to check in regularly. And second, make that check-in count. Actually feel into what you need. Ask your body, what do I need?
I remind people of this all the time. How many times do we jump from one call to another call and we don't take a break to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water? Please take care of your body.
What are the ways that you can come back to self in some way in the micro moments so that they build up over time? And then your busyness lessens while your micro moments of coming back to yourself expand. And you find a new balance and a new rhythm between the two.
For those moments by yourself, there's so many things that you can do. You can focus on your breathing. You can go for a walk. You can just get up and do some stretches. It depends on how much time you have, and it also depends on what you need.
If the check-in is saying, I'm really thirsty, then go get your drink of water for that two-minute break. If your check-in is saying, I really need to move my body, I've been sitting in this position for three hours already, don't just accept it and sit three more hours.
It's all about noticing and then taking a micro step that supports that noticing. Taking action in some way that's aligned with what you notice. The body says I'm thirsty, you get a drink. The body says I need to stretch, you get up and stretch.
It's about taking an action to match that thing so that you can get used to interrupting your other rhythm of just pushing through and go, go, go, and give yourself these micro moments or pockets of time where you do something that's aligned with what you need, with what your body's saying you need.
You'll Have Tools to Catch It Sooner
If you're not feeling like yourself, you have to start checking in and saying, okay, what do I need in this moment? And then do something to support the need that you have in that moment. It might seem very small, but it's very impactful.
How do you build a practice around coming back to yourself so that you don't stray too much, so that you don't feel, or have the thought of, I don't feel like myself?
You might still have it sometimes. It's not like it completely goes away, but you'll have tools to tackle it differently. And more than likely, it won't get to the same place that you might be with it right now because you're equipped and because you can catch it sooner. That's what all of this work is about.
The Return Community
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You’re invited to join us here.
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Frequently Asked Questions
Q: What does "I don't feel like myself" actually mean?
A: It's a signal that you've become disconnected from yourself. Usually what's happening is you haven't been checking in with yourself along the way. It can come from a season with young kids, caring for elderly parents, or just the everyday busyness of life. It shows up in different ways, but the important thing is to recognize it as a disconnect and understand that you can come back.
Q: Is not feeling like yourself a medical concern?
A: It can be. This episode doesn't cover hormonal changes or medical issues. If that's where you are, please get the support you need. This episode focuses on the everyday life situations that can leave you feeling disconnected from yourself.
Q: Why does September feel so hard?
A: September at the start of the school year, and May/June at the end, are times where the busyness of life can really take over with all the activities and obligations and change in pace and change in schedule. It's not a personal failing. There are seasons. What helps is keeping some type of rhythm of checking in on yourself even through those busy stretches.
Q: What does it mean to check in with your body?
A: It means asking yourself: what am I feeling? What do I need? What feels good? What feels off? Your body is really this compass that's telling you all sorts of things that a lot of times we don't pay attention to. A check-in doesn't have to be long. It can be what do I need right now, before my next call, before I walk in the door at home.
Q: What if I only have five minutes?
A: Make those five minutes count. Quality over quantity. Put everything down. No scrolling. Set a timer and actually be there for it. Five focused, intentional minutes are worth more than 30 minutes of half-paying attention.
Q: What are micro moments and why do they matter?
A: Micro moments are small acts of coming back to yourself throughout the day. Getting a glass of water when your body says it's thirsty. Getting up to stretch after sitting for three hours. Taking a few intentional breaths before your next call. On their own they seem small, but they build up over time. Your busyness lessens while your micro moments of coming back to yourself expand. You find a new balance and a new rhythm between the two.
Q: What if I've been disconnected for a long time?
A: Start with the check-in. Ask your body what it needs right now, and take one action that matches. You don't have to overhaul your life. You just have to interrupt the rhythm of pushing through and give yourself one micro moment. That's enough to start shifting things.
Q: What is the Return Community?
A: Return is a year-long membership community all about coming back to the self, learning how to make clear decisions that are aligned with who you are, and navigating change, whatever season, whatever that looks like for you. Launching October 7th at community.maryclaivieres.com.
