#83: Why Is It So Hard to Change Even When You Know What to Do?
Welcome to Find Yourself, Change Your Life. I'm your host, Mary Clavieres. This is a podcast about making clearer decisions, navigating change, and coming back to yourself.
For today's episode, we're looking at why is it so hard to change?
Knowing isn't the same as doing. And this is something I'm going to deep dive into today because it's where a lot of the confusion happens.
You Probably Already Have the Tools to Change
Chances are you already know a lot of things. You already have a lot of information that you have consumed in some way, and you have tools available to you to support you. Whether that's things like walking or journaling or breathwork or any of the things. And we've talked a lot about these on the podcast already, but there's so many different things that help us in our day-to-day lives.
Consuming information can feel very supportive to that process, whether it's something new to learn or a way to go deeper with a certain methodology. There's a time and a place for that for sure. But it doesn't mean that you're actually changing the way you live by consuming that information. You have to follow up with the action portion of it. You have to actually put it into practice in some way.
I know that's not anything new or revolutionary. And I also know that that's where a lot of people get stuck. Because change is not just about learning more things.
The Loop of Wanting to Know More
A lot of the times we get on these loops of just wanting to know more and more and more. Oh, I don't know enough. And then I need to learn more and more and more. And there are different pieces of our human design, for example, that speak to this, because certain people may struggle with it more than others. Certain people may have more challenges with wanting to know more information based on your design.
But the thing here is, where are you taking in more information? And then are you actually giving yourself space and time to practice?
Because I would bet that if you're saying, oh, I need to do something more to support myself, what is it? And you're on a search of all these things, you probably already have 25 tools in your toolkit that you could use. You're just not actually spending the time implementing any of those, spending five minutes a day on them.
I gave a workshop recently around the mind-body connection, and one of the things I spoke a lot about was: you already have the tools. Take five minutes and actually do the thing. Use the tool. Don't just talk about knowing the tool. You have to actually use it.
What to Do When a Tool Feels Uncomfortable
If over a period of time you say, okay, this tool doesn't work for me, that's fine. But I usually say you have to give it at least a couple weeks of trying something out unless you're really getting a full body no, this is not for me. That's fine. Then it's not for you. Trust that.
But otherwise, if you're just like, oh, I don't like this, or oh, this is uncomfortable, keep going because there's something on the other side of that discomfort. You're stretching yourself in some way. And if after a few weeks you say, that's not my favorite, I prefer something else, then go use the other tool instead.
There's no one right way. There's not one script. There's not a way that I can tell you follow this path A, B, C, and you will be able to change on your own. That's not how it goes.
But if you invite in the curiosity, if you take a look at the different tools you already know and put some of those into practice, they will support you, especially if you're looking at things and tools that are allowing you to spend more time with yourself and get to know yourself.
Action Brings Clarity
A dear friend of mine and my Human Design teacher, Jamie Palmer, she always says action brings clarity. She's told me that so many times because even me, as someone that knows this and practices it, I still need to hear it. None of us are immune to that.
Remembering action brings clarity will help you move through change differently. If you're in a weird spot or something's not right and you're not sure of your next step, spend time with yourself. Take action in that way, and then the clarity will come that you can figure out your next step, and then you take action on that next step.
So it's a pathway of you opening up to yourself so that you can feel more alignment. And that'll give you a knowing for your direction. All of this is interlinked and intertwined, but you have to be willing to show up and do the work for yourself.
Information and knowing is one thing. Putting it into action is another.
When Change Feels Hard and You Don't Have Support Around You
If you're going through something, you're feeling like this is really hard and change is really hard, yes, change can be very hard. And if you give yourself time and space, it can help ease some of that, some of what feels hard or some of what feels challenging because you're more connected to yourself.
It might sound a little counterintuitive, or you might be thinking, oh, well, I just want to push through. I'm good at pushing through. Yes, we're all great at pushing through because we're programmed to push through. So I'm saying break the pattern and the cycle and the programming and spend time with self so that you can have something that feels more aligned as the next step in your direction.
You do not have to follow the crowd for following the crowd's sake.
This applies to many things. And I would say it's even more important when you feel like you don't have people around you that get it, or you're trying to change in a way that they can't relate to. Maybe you want to leave a corporate job and start your own business, and your family's like, what do you mean you're going to leave a corporate job? That's not safe. That's not stable.
If you don't have the support around you, it can feel really hard to move forward. But if you tune back into self and you get clear in that way, you'll have that strength and stamina to keep going, even when the other people around you are confused by it.
Because it's not about them. It's not about you living your life in accordance with them. It's about you living your life in accordance with you. And that's really important to remember.
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Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Why is change so hard even when I know what I should be doing?
A: Because knowing isn't the same as doing. Chances are you already have the information and even the tools. The gap isn't in what you know. It's in whether you're actually spending the time to put it into practice. Change happens through action and repetition, not through consuming more information.
Q: How do I know if I have too many tools and not enough practice?
A: If you're still searching for what will help you, you probably already have 25 tools in your toolkit that you could use. You're just not actually spending the time implementing any of those, spending five minutes a day on them. The search for more is sometimes a way of avoiding the discomfort of actually doing the thing.
Q: What if I try a tool and it doesn't feel like it's working?
A: Give it at least a couple of weeks before deciding. If you're getting a full body no, trust that. But if it just feels uncomfortable, keep going because there's something on the other side of that discomfort. You're stretching yourself in some way. After a few weeks, if it's genuinely not for you, go use a different tool instead. There's no one right way.
Q: What does "action brings clarity" mean?
A: It's something Mary's Human Design teacher Jamie Palmer says, and it means that you don't have to have everything figured out before you take a step. If you're in a weird spot and you're not sure of your next step, take action first. Spend time with yourself. The clarity comes from moving, not from waiting until you feel ready.
Q: What if the people around me don't support the change I want to make?
A: It can feel really hard to move forward when you don't have support around you. But if you tune back into self and you get clear in that way, you'll have that strength and stamina to keep going, even when the other people around you are confused by it. It's not about you living your life in accordance with them. It's about you living your life in accordance with you.
Q: What's the reflection or invitation from this episode?
A: Take a look at the tools that you already have. What is one tool that you can implement right now to support yourself and support your direction? Instead of looking for something new this week, practice something you already know.
Q: What is the Return Community?
A: Return is a year-long membership community. It's not another place to consume a mountain of information. It's a place to practice, over time, the tools that help you come back to yourself, hear yourself, and live differently. You can learn more at community.maryclaivieres.com.
Full Episode Transcript:
Welcome to Find Yourself, Change Your Life. I'm your host, Mary Clavieres. This is a podcast about making clearer decisions, navigating change, and coming back to yourself. For today's episode, we're looking at why is it so hard to change? Knowing isn't the same as doing. And this is something I'm going to deep dive into today because it's where a lot of the confusion happens.
Chances are you already know a lot of things. You already have a lot of information that you have consumed in some way, and you have tools available to you to support you. Whether that's things like walking or journaling or breathwork or any of the things, right? And we've talked a lot about these on the podcast already, but there's so many different things that help us in our day-to-day lives. And consuming information can feel very supportive to that process, whether it's something new to learn or a way to go deeper with a certain methodology. There's a time and a place for that for sure. But it doesn't mean that you're actually changing the way you live by consuming that information. You have to follow up with the action portion of it. You have to actually put it into practice in some way. And I know that's not anything new or revolutionary. And I also know that that's where a lot of people get stuck. Because change is not just about learning more things. Yes, time and place for learning new things, learning a new skill that's going to support you in the direction you're taking.
For example, you're taking a course that supports the type of job that you have or job that you want to get next because you're learning a new software or something like that. Of course, that's very supportive and helpful. And there's a piece about taking action that goes with it. So in that case, with the job, and if you choose to take a course to learn more, you're kind of doing 2 things in one because you're, you're learning new information and you're, you're aligning it with an action. It depends how much you're actually putting it into action with, you know, maybe new job applications.
What I'm talking about here is not only learning the information for information's sake; it's about what do you do with that information? Because a lot of the times we get on these loops of just wanting to know more and more and more, and oh, I don't know enough, and then I need to learn more and more and more. And there are different pieces of our human design, for example, that. That speak to this because certain people may struggle with it more than others. Certain people may have more challenges with wanting to know more information based on your design. It's something that you can learn about in more detail. But the, the thing here is that where are you taking in more information? And then are you actually giving yourself space and time to practice.
Because I would bet if you're saying, oh, I need to do something more to support myself, what is it? And you're on a search of all these things, you probably already have 25 tools in your toolkit that you could use. You're just not actually spending the time implementing any of those, spending 5 minutes a day on them. I gave a workshop recently around the mind-body connection, and one of the things I spoke a lot about was you already have the tools. Take 5 minutes and actually do the thing. Use the tool. Don't just talk about knowing the tool. You have to actually use it. And then if over a period of time you say, okay, this tool doesn't work for me, that's fine. But I usually say you have to give it at least a couple weeks of trying something out unless you're really getting a full body, no, this is not for me. That's fine. Then it's not for you. Trust that. But otherwise, if you're just like, oh, I don't like this, or oh, this is uncomfortable, keep going because there's something on the other side of that discomfort. You're stretching yourself in some way. And if after a few weeks you say, that's not my favorite, I prefer something else, Then go use the other tool instead.
There's no one right way. There's not one script. There's not a way that I can tell you follow this path A, B, C, and you will, you know, be able to change on your own. That's not how it goes. But if you invite in the curiosity. If you take a look at the different tools you already know and put some of those into practice, they will support you, especially if you're looking at things and tools that are allowing you to spend more time with yourself and get to know yourself. In episode 81, I talked about information and time for yourself, whether you're consuming information during that time or not.
So here again, I'm talking about like spending time with yourself, but not having inputs from the external world. So spend the time not listening to music or not listening to a podcast. Yes, I know this is a podcast. So, you know, maybe when you're finished with this episode, you turn it off and you say, okay, I'm going to take 2 minutes to do something right now. But that's the piece of it. Is that you have to actually move it into action in some way. A dear friend of mine and my Human Design teacher, Jamie Palmer, she always says action brings clarity. She's told me that so many times because even me, as someone that knows this and practices it, I still need to hear it. None of us are immune to that.
And so just remembering action brings clarity will help you move through change differently. If you're in a weird spot or something's not right and you're not sure of your next step, spend time with yourself. Take action in that way, and then the clarity will come that you can figure out your next step, and then you take action on that next step. You see? So it's a pathway of you opening up to yourself so that you can feel more alignment. And that'll give you a knowing for your direction. All of this is interlinked and intertwined, but you have to be willing to show up and do the work for yourself.
So information and knowing is one thing, putting it into action is another. If you're going through something, you're feeling like this is really hard and change is really hard. Yes, change can be very hard. And if you give yourself time and space, it can help ease some of that, some of what feels hard or some of what feels challenging because you're more connected to yourself. It might sound a little counterintuitive, or you might be thinking, oh, well, I just want to push through. I'm good at pushing through. Yes, we're all great at pushing through because we're programmed to push through. So I'm saying break the pattern and the cycle and the programming and spend time with self so that you can have something that feels more aligned as the next step in your direction. You do not have to follow the crowd for following the crowd's sake. Okay? This applies to many things, even though I know here I'm talking about change in particular and I would say it's even more important when you feel like you don't have people around you that get it, or you're trying to change in a way that they can't relate to.
Maybe you want to leave a corporate job and start your own business, and your family's like, what do you mean you're going to leave a corporate job? That's not safe. That's not stable, right? If you don't have the support around you, it can feel really hard to move forward. But if you tune back into self and you get clear, In that way, you'll have that strength and stamina to keep going, even when the other people around you are confused by it. Okay? Because it's not about them. It's not about you living your life in accordance with them. It's about you living your life in accordance with you. And that's really important to remember. I feel like that's a mic drop moment, so we'll leave it there.
So when you're navigating change, please invite yourself to tune back in and take action in a way that's aligned for you.
So the invitation this week and the reflection this week is to take a look at the tools that you already have.
And what's one of those tools?
What is one tool that you can implement right now to support yourself, support your direction and where you're going?
And if you are interested in more of the support with community around you and looking to change over this next year, please check out my membership community Return. It's a year-long program. We go through all different parts of change and making decisions and coming back to yourself so that you can be in more alignment. And we're doing it alongside an amazing group of people that are all navigating their own things, but want support and connection along the way.
You can check that out at community.maryclavieres.com. And thank you so much for being here. So again, reflection, what is one tool that you're gonna try out, one type of action you're going to take for yourself that supports you while you're navigating change? Thanks so much for being here. I appreciate you. Have a great rest of your day, and I will speak to you next week.
