#84: Intuition vs. Fear and How to Tell the Difference
Hello and welcome to Find Yourself, Change Your Life. I'm your host, Mary Clavieres. This is a podcast about making clearer decisions, navigating change, and coming back to yourself.
For today's episode, I wanted to talk about intuition versus fear and how to tell the difference between them. This is a big one, you guys, because we walk around with both all the time. We have access to intuition and we have access to fear, and it's kind of a just a matter of which one are you choosing.
Expansive vs. Restrictive
If you're looking at making decisions and you want to be tapping into your intuition and not choosing and making your decisions by fear, then it's going to require you to get clear on how each of those show up for you, how they show up for you in your mind and in your body, and what it feels like. Because once you can tell what it feels like, then you'll be able to know which one you're choosing from in that moment.
For me, the way I look at intuition and fear is intuition for me feels expansive. It might still feel like a stretch. It might still feel a little uncomfortable. And I think this is where people get tripped up sometimes is because they can mistake that for fear. But intuition can have a little bit of stretch in it, a little bit of resistance, because you're still venturing into something that might be a little unknown.
Versus fear is much more restrictive. It's more like all-consuming in a negative type of way. It's a lower vibration for sure. So if you're able to tell for yourself if something feels expansive versus diminishing in some way, then that's a really big key to it.
The Story: A Fear of Heights
I wanted to share an example from my own life of a way that I tell the difference between them.
I used to be very, very, very afraid of heights, a paralyzing fear. Airplanes didn't bother me. But anything else, like crossing over a bridge or walking up a tall staircase that had slits in the stairs, taking ski lifts, anything like that, very scary, paralyzing. I most of the time would not do it.
It started to hinder my experiences with my children actually because my husband would take them up, you know, climbing something, and I would stay back and stay down. And after a while I was like, jeez, I don't want to do this anymore, because then my girls were asking, well, why aren't you coming? And then it was kind of giving them the same fear when before that they didn't have a fear.
I remember one time we were walking over a bridge in Paris and I was going to be, we were climbing some steps to get to the bridge and I just got so, like the whole thing, my body started to sweat. I was just so nervous, all the things. Very big body reaction. So that for me is very clear. It's fear, and I didn't want to live with that anymore.
The Dream That Changed Things
A few of the things that happened were a series of events. It all had to do with a connection to the first time that I went to Egypt, and I had had a few experiences leading up to it where I learned about where this fear of heights came from through my dream time and visiting a castle in the area. And then when I was in Egypt, I had a dream about my fear of heights.
I had this dream where I was climbing these really rickety stairs up to an airplane that was in the middle of the sky. It's a very bizarre dream, right? But it was very real. It felt very real. So I was climbing these rickety stairs and I was very scared. And then something in me realized that if I just jumped off the steps that I was climbing, I could float down and I could slow myself down so that I could land softly on the ground.
In the dream, I had this realization and then I did it. And I floated down and landed softly on the ground. And then my fear of heights was like fixed in the dream.
I woke up, this was so real, it felt so real. I woke up and I actually thought to myself, oh my gosh, I think I just healed my fear of heights. And we were planning to go on a hot air balloon ride and I really wanted to go on the hot air balloon ride. The next day when I got up and we were going over like a little passage and it was kind of a rickety thing and I got curious about it. I was like, oh, I wonder how it's going to feel when I go on this. And I crossed and I didn't feel anything. And I was like, oh, that's interesting, because usually I feel something in that kind of case.
I share more about my Egypt experience in episode 31 of the podcast, which you can listen to here.
What Intuition Actually Feels Like
I said, okay, I think I want to try the hot air balloon. But obviously, once you start going up, then you're stuck, right? Like you can't just say you want to go back down. I was with like 20 other people. So I was nervous about it, but I was feeling kind of calm in my body.
The intuition piece, like you'll have this knowing in you of this deep trust, and you'll have this knowing that it's going to be okay, and you'll have this feeling that's, even if it's a glimmer of it, it's expansive, and it's filled with love. Because the intuition that's bringing you to something higher and some kind of higher expression is coming from love. Always. It's always coming from love.
And I went up in the hot air balloon and I felt nothing. I felt no fear. It was really insane, I have to say. And yes, I recognize I could sound crazy for this whole sequence, but I'm sharing it because I feel so passionately about people knowing all of these possibilities and what might open up to you.
Getting to Know Your Own Signals
If you are navigating something where you're not sure if you are doing something because of fear or if you're following your intuition, what I can say is it's really important to get to know what those feelings feel like for you. How do they feel in your body? How do they show up for you? And you might reflect on times where you've felt a big fear, or maybe you have a phobia that you're living with, and how does that feel to you? Versus times where you gave into a little more of that trust, or it felt a little more like a stretch, but you went and did it anyway.
I think that's really knowing the nuance and the difference to that is what helps you make more aligned decisions. It's what helps you choose from a different place because you can tell, like, okay, is this something that's really a full body stop right now because I'm really not ready? Or am I feeling scared but still ready, willing, and able to stretch myself and do the new thing?
Because we do have to be able to push ourselves through those moments that stretch us, right? Because the change, the fruits of your labor and what you want to change is on the other side of that feeling of being stretched.
There's a saying that's feel the fear and do it anyway. And I would say that's meant for more those things where you're really stretching yourself, but you feel that glimmer and you feel that expansiveness and you feel that hope at the same time. If it's a paralyzing fear, just know that can sometimes have the opposite effect and have things be messier, right? So different things and different times of life need different approaches.
Your Inner Voice Is a Flame
Right before I was going to record this episode, I was updating my calendar. I have a day-by-day calendar on my desk and I was a few days behind. And the one that showed up when I peeled the last date, it said, your inner voice is a flame lighting the path that is uniquely yours. When doubt creeps in, remember that your intuition is always connected to something far greater than fear.
And I, when I read that, I laughed because I was literally coming up here and connecting my computer to record about intuition and fear. And I just thought, okay, that is so fun.
Your inner voice is a flame lighting the path that is uniquely yours. When doubt creeps in, remember that your intuition is always connected to something far greater than fear.
Your path is yours, and the more you pay attention to that and listen to that, the more it's going to help you. And the intuition piece, it is really coming from a place of love. So when you feel those glimmers and those hopes and possibilities, and even allow yourself to lean into the curiosities, it's really going to expand your world so, so much.
Resources Mentioned:
Ep 31 Egypt and Overcoming My Fear of Heights
Connect with Mary here:
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mary-clavieres-19917a7/
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Voxer: @ maryclavieres
Frequently Asked Questions
Q: How do I tell the difference between intuition and fear?
A: The key is learning how each one feels in your body. Intuition for me feels expansive. It might still feel like a stretch. It might still feel a little uncomfortable. Versus fear is much more restrictive. It's more like all-consuming in a negative type of way. If you're able to tell for yourself if something feels expansive versus diminishing in some way, that's a really big key to it.
Q: Can intuition feel uncomfortable? How do I know it's not just fear?
A: Yes, intuition can have a little bit of stretch in it, a little bit of resistance, because you're still venturing into something that might be a little unknown. That's where people get tripped up sometimes, because they can mistake that for fear. The difference is intuition still has a glimmer of expansiveness, a feeling of hope and possibility, even inside the discomfort. Fear is more restrictive and all-consuming.
Q: What if I have a real, deep fear, not just discomfort?
A: There's a saying that's feel the fear and do it anyway. And that's meant for more those things where you're really stretching yourself, but you feel that glimmer and you feel that expansiveness and you feel that hope at the same time. If it's a paralyzing fear, that can sometimes have the opposite effect and have things be messier. So different things and different times of life need different approaches. I lived over 40 years with my fear of heights, and that's okay. We pick what we're in a season of wanting to fix or change or heal in some way.
Q: How do I start learning what my own signals feel like?
A: Pay attention to how does your body communicate these different things to you? How do you feel them? What's coming from your mind versus coming from your body? Reflecting on past experiences can be really helpful. Think about times where you've felt a big fear, and how did that feel to you? Versus times where you gave into a little more of that trust, or it felt a little more like a stretch, but you went and did it anyway.
Q: Where does intuition come from?
A: The intuition that's bringing you to something higher and some kind of higher expression is coming from love. Always. It's always coming from love. So when you feel those glimmers and those hopes and possibilities, and even allow yourself to lean into the curiosities, it's really going to expand your world.
Q: What is the reflection or invitation from this episode?
A: Take a look at how does intuition feel in your body? How does fear feel in your body? What are examples if you go back and reflect in your life? What are different examples of how this has shown up for you? And what are you looking at next? Is there something that you felt stopped by that you want to reevaluate and get curious about because maybe you're navigating something new and you want to open yourself up and handle it a little bit differently.
Full Transcript:
Hello and welcome to Find Yourself, Change Your Life. I'm your host, Mary Clavieres. This podcast is about making clearer decisions, navigating change, and coming back to yourself. For today's episode, I wanted to talk about intuition versus fear and how to tell the difference between them. This is a big one, you guys, because We walk around with both all the time. We have access to intuition and we have access to fear, and it's kind of a just a matter of which one are you choosing. And I wanted to share an example from my own life of a way that I tell the difference between them. So really, if you're looking at making decisions and you want to be tapping into your intuition and not choosing and making your decisions by fear, then it's going to require you to get clear on how each of those show up for you, how they show up for you in your mind and in your body, and what it feels like. Because once you can tell what it feels like, then you'll be able to know which one you're choosing from in that moment. So for me, the way I look at intuition and fear is intuition for me feels expansive. It might still feel like a stretch. It might still feel a little uncomfortable. And I think this is where people get tripped up sometimes is because they can mistake that for fear. But intuition can have a little bit of, of stretch in it, a little bit of resistance, because you're still venturing into something that might be a little unknown. Okay, versus fear is much more restrictive. It's, it's more like all-consuming. In a negative type of way. It's a lower vibration for sure. So if you're able to tell for yourself if something feels expansive versus diminishing in some way, then that's a really big key to it.
But then how does this actually show up in real life? Well, I can give you an example. I, I've shared the story on the podcast earlier on in the podcast, and it's a little bit of a… it might seem a little crazy. I don't know. It's a little bit of a different type of example, but it's the one that came to me to explain it for this topic. All right. So the example that I want to share is about my fear of heights. So I used to be very very, very afraid of heights, a paralyzing fear. Airplanes didn't bother me. I mean, takeoff and landing was so-so, but like being in an airplane didn't bother me. But anything else, like crossing over a bridge or walking up a tall staircase that had slits in the stairs, um, Taking like ski lifts, anything like that. Very scary, paralyzing. Like I said, like I most of the time I would not do it. It started to hinder my experiences with my children actually because my husband would take them up, you know, climbing something, and I would stay back and stay down. And after a while I was like, "Jeez, I don't want to do this anymore," because then my girls were asking, "Well, why aren't you coming?" And then it was kind of giving them the same fear when before that they didn't have a fear. And I tried to be really careful with it. I remember one time we were walking over a, a bridge in Paris and we were climbing some steps to get to the bridge and I just got so like the whole thing, my body started to sweat. Like I Was just so nervous, all the things. Very big body reaction.
Okay, so the point of all that is to say it was a very physical, very debilitating fear of heights. Okay, so that for me is very clear. It's fear, and I didn't want to live with that anymore. And a few of the things that happened were I had it was a series of events. I go into it in more detail in another podcast episode. I'll pull. The episode number and link it in the show notes. But it all had to do with a connection to the first time that I went to Egypt, and I had had a few experiences leading up to it where I learned about where this fear of heights came from through my dream time and visiting a castle in the area. And then when I was in Egypt, actually, I had a dream about my fear of heights. So I had this dream where I was in this, I was climbing these really rickety stairs up to an airplane that was in the middle of the sky. It's a, it's a very bizarre dream, right? But it was very real. It felt very real. So I was climbing these rickety stairs and I was very scared. And then something in me realized that If I just jumped off the steps that I was climbing, I could float down and I could slow myself down so that I could land softly on the ground. Okay, so in the dream, I had this realization and then I did it. And I floated down and landed softly on the ground and I was like, oh, okay. And then My fear of heights was like fixed in the dream. Okay. And I woke up, this was so real. It felt so real. I woke up and I actually thought to myself, I was like, oh my gosh, I think I just healed my fear of heights. And we were planning to go on a hot air balloon ride and I really wanted to go on the hot air balloon ride. So I, the next day when I got up and we were going over like a little passage and it was kind of a rickety thing and, and I got curious about it and it, I was like, oh, I wonder how it's gonna feel when I go on this. And I crossed and I didn't feel anything. And I was like, oh, that's interesting. 'Cause usually I feel something in that kind of case.
And, and so I wanted, I really wanted to go on the hot air balloon ride. That's actually where my intention part of my intention for wanting to heal my fear of heights was coming from. And, um, after that dream, I had this other now experience and memory in me that said, okay, well, actually there's nothing to be scared of with the heights, right? And I said, okay, I think I want to try the hot air balloon. But obviously, like, once you start going up, then you're stuck, right? Like, you can't like just say you, you want to go back down. I was with like 20 other people, you know. So I was nervous about it, but I was feeling kind of calm in my body. So this is then where I'm getting to the to the point of like you know what the fear feels like, but then what does the intuition feel like? And the intuition might still feel like a stretch. In my case, I had a feeling that my fear of heights was fixed. And I had this feeling like a maybe a little glimmer of excitement, like and curiosity to try it. And then also a little, you know, hesitation in there of, I'm not sure this could go one of two ways. But if I'm really scared and if it doesn't work, I will just close my eyes and focus on my breathing until we go back down. Right? Like, that was kind of like my backup plan. So I said, okay, I'm gonna try it. And I, you know, a few of the other ladies on the trip knew about this fear, and I made sure I was in, we had a few baskets, so I was in a basket with them. And I said, just so you know, I might really have to squeeze your hand if I get really scared, but I'm feeling pretty good right now, so it might be okay. And we went up in the hot air balloon and I felt nothing. I felt no fear. It was, it was really insane, I have to say. And yes, I recognize I could sound crazy for this whole sequence, but I'm sharing it because I feel so passionately about people knowing like all of these possibilities and what might You know, open up to you and all these things, and also giving you this perspective of the difference between the two, the difference between the fear and the intuition. Because the fear will hold you back and will paralyze you and will, you know, keep you in that negative space. And if you have a fear of something, that is okay. I lived over 40 years with my fear. Of heights, right? Um, and that's okay, you know, we pick what we're in a season of wanting to fix or change or heal in some way. And the time just happened to come for me that it was, that it was time to, to change this story. So I felt nothing when I went up there. I was not scared at all. I was really excited. I actually took a video to I recorded a video so that I could show my husband because I thought he would not even believe it because it was like so different than all of the years that he has helped me through scary situations.
But the difference there in that intuition piece is like, I, I still remember it and it's the best way that I can share the difference between fear and intuition is that The intuition piece, like you'll have this knowing in you of this deep trust, and you'll have this knowing that it's going to be okay, and you'll have this feeling that's even if it's a glimmer of it, it's expansive, and it's filled with love because the. The intuition that's bringing you to something higher and some kind of higher expression is coming from love. Always. It's always coming from love.
So if you are navigating something where you're not sure if you are doing something because of fear or if you're following your intuition, what I can say is it's really important to get to know what those feelings feel like for you. How do they feel in your body? How do they show up for you? And you might reflect on times where you've felt a big fear, or maybe you have a phobia that you're living with, and, and how does that feel to you? Versus times where you gave into a little more of that trust, Or it felt a little more like a stretch, but you went and did it anyway. I think that's really knowing the nuance and the difference to that is what helps you make more aligned decisions. It's what helps you choose from a different place because you can tell, like, okay, is this something that's really a full body stop right now because I'm really not ready? Or Am I feeling scared but still ready, willing, and able to stretch myself and do the new thing? Because we do have to be able to push ourselves through those moments that stretch us, right? Because the change, the, the fruits of your labor and what you want to change is on the other side of that feeling of being stretched. But I also just want to recognize and name if there's something that's a debilitating fear, you might need a different approach to it, right? It depends on what it feels like for you.
I know there's a saying that's feel the fear and do it anyway. And I would say that's meant for more those things where you're really stretching yourself, but you feel that glimmer and you feel that expansiveness and you feel that hope at the same time. If it's a paralyzing fear, I mean, yes, you could try it and shock your system. That's not typically how I work, but you could. Um, just know that that can sometimes— I don't know, I feel like it could sometimes have the opposite effect and, and have things be messier, right? So different things and different times of life need different approaches. But I wanted to just give you this example of What it, what it can look like when you are paying attention to the fear and then noticing with your intuition, okay, is this a stretch for me and I'm still following my highest timeline and I'm stretching and growing into it, or is it a fear that I am Or is it a real and valid fear that I am still processing and navigating before I can go to that next place? Okay, so this is what I would invite you to pay attention to now is just pay attention to how does your body communicate these different things to you? How do you feel them? What's coming from your mind versus coming from your body. It depends also on how you get messages and how you navigate all of those things, but really learning your own signals and, and observing and reflecting on past experiences can be really helpful to get you to understand that and know that in a little bit of a, of a better way. Right before I was going to record this episode, I was updating my calendar. I have a day-by-day calendar on my desk and I was a few days behind. And the one that showed up when I peeled the last date, it said, your inner voice is a flame. Lighting the path that is uniquely yours. When doubt creeps in, remember that your intuition is always connected to something far greater than fear. And I, when I read that, I laughed because I was literally coming up here and connecting my computer to record about intuition and fear. And I just thought, okay, that is so fun. And that's Another point I just would really love to, to share here is— I'll, I'll read it again first. Your inner voice is a flame lighting the path that is uniquely yours. When doubt creeps in, remember that your intuition is always connected to something far greater than fear. And so it's just that knowing and that trust and continuing to trust yourself and following your unique path. I had that experience with the dream space and it helped me with my fear of heights, and I'm very grateful for that. Your experiences can be something very different. Like, your path is yours, and the more you pay attention to that and listen to that The more it's going to help you. Okay? And like I mentioned earlier, that the intuition piece, it is really coming from a place of love. So when you feel those glimmers and those hopes and possibilities, and even allow yourself to lean into the curiosities, it's really going to expand your world so, so much. So, okay, your invitation for today is to take a look at this. Take a look at how does intuition feel in your body? How does fear feel in your body? What are examples if you go back and reflect in your life? What are different examples of how this has shown up for you? And what are you looking at next? Is there something that you felt stopped by that you want to reevaluate and get curious about because maybe you're navigating something new and you want, you want to open yourself up and handle it a little bit differently. Invitation to look at all of it. Okay? It's all, all on the table for you. So with that, I will say thank you so much for listening, for being here. I so appreciate you. If this episode resonated and you thought of someone else while you were listening, please feel free to share with them. It's how the podcast is helped to get seen and heard by more people. And I deeply appreciate it, and I deeply appreciate you. So enjoy the rest of your day. Thanks for being here, and I'll talk to you next week.
