You can't think your way to every decision, as much as you might want to. Trust me, I've tried. It doesn't really work so well. If you've made the pros and cons list, talked it through with everyone, and still ended up right where you started, this one is for you.
On this week's episode of Find Yourself, Change Your Life, I'm sharing how to get out of your head and make decisions in relationship with your body. Listen below, read on, or scroll to the bottom for the full transcript.
Why can't you think your way to every decision?
Most of us have been taught to make decisions in practical ways, like making a pros and cons list or weighing all the different options. Those have a time and a place. But how we are meant to make decisions and how most of us have been taught to make decisions are two very different things.
Most of the time we want to talk things out and weigh the pros and cons, and then we end up where we started. We're just tired and overthinking and no closer to making a decision.
I really believe the way forward is making decisions in a way that's aligned to you. If you want to access what is meant for you, live out your purpose, and feel like you're having an impact in this world, you want to be deciding from a place of alignment. And what works for you may not work for someone else, because we are each uniquely designed to do things in our own way.
How do you make decisions with your body instead of your mind?
Decisions are meant to be made in relationship with the body, not only from the mind. I'm not saying you don't use your mind. It's a tool to help you process things. But you need to layer that in with your body's response, because our bodies are super intelligent. They know so much more, and most of the time they respond to things more truthfully than our minds do.
Our bodies are with us all the time. They're talking to us all the time. And most of the time we are barely paying attention to them unless something is wrong or something is hurting. Learning to make decisions this way lets you be more proactive in your relationship with your body, so you can make decisions you really trust and feel guided by, instead of floundering, overthinking, or asking other people what they think.
What is your decision-making style in Human Design?
A tool I like to use for this is Human Design. It shows you a lot about your mind-body connection: how your mind works, how your body works, and how you can bring those two together. In Human Design there are seven different decision-making styles. On your chart, your decision-making style is listed as your Authority.
I have not had someone yet tell me their decision-making style doesn't resonate for them. When people are hesitant, it's usually because of conditioning. They've relied so much on their mind, or they've shut down parts of their body.
To find yours, you'll need your birth information. Get a free copy of your Human Design chart here and look for your Authority.
Then go deeper with my Decision-Making series, starting with Episode 48. There's an episode for each of the seven styles, whether yours is emotional, sacral, splenic, or another, with examples of how it works and reflection prompts to build a stronger relationship with yourself.
What does a body response look like? A story from my parenting
When I found out one of my daughters has sacral decision-making style, it was a game changer for the way I parent.
When she was little, I was always telling her, "Use your words, use your words." I thought it was a good, supportive thing to do. Then I learned that with sacral decision-making style, you're meant to listen to your body's gut response: how your body reacts and the signs it gives before you speak anything out loud. When you speak, you're overriding the body and using the mind instead. So by telling her to use her words, I was shutting down her body response.
After that, I started asking her specific, time-bound yes or no questions and watching her body as she responded. When she's undecided, her shoulders go up right away in a shrug. When it's a yes or a no, it might be an "uh-huh" or an "uh-uh." It's not going to be traditional words. It's going to be a body response.
That completely changed the game for me on understanding how our mind and body are connected for decision-making.
How do you get out of your head for good?
You might still go to your mind first and try making your lists. But you'll also start watching what your body does, paying attention to your emotional waves, or listening to your intuitive nudges if you have splenic decision-making style. Whichever way you're meant to make aligned decisions, it will become clearer and clearer.
That's how you get out of your head: by leaning into your body response and having a deeper connection with your own body. And it changes more than how you make decisions. It changes your relationship with your body and how you move about the world.
If you want to go deeper, my Decision Making Accelerator sessions help you get into the next layers of your style, including the lenses and themes you filter decisions through.
Your invitation this week
First, find your decision-making style with your free chart. Listen to the episode in the Decision-Making series for your style. Then get curious: how does your style usually show up in your body?
Think back to a decision that worked out well and one that didn't. How did each one feel? Whenever I ask someone to do this, they have an example or two right away, and they can see what was different about how they made each one.
As you open up to this, it'll get you out of your head. You'll be making more aligned decisions in ways that feel empowering and unique to you. Embrace that, and embrace your design.
Frequently asked questions
How do I get out of my head when making a decision?
Lean into your body's response. Your mind can help you process, but our bodies are super intelligent and most of the time respond more truthfully than our minds do. Learning how your body gives you information is how you get out of your head.
Why doesn't a pros and cons list help me decide?
Lists have a time and a place, but most of the time we weigh everything and end up where we started, just tired and overthinking. Decisions are meant to be made in relationship with the body, not only from the mind.
What is a decision-making style in Human Design?
Human Design has seven decision-making styles, listed on your chart as your Authority. Your style shows how you're meant to make aligned decisions, whether through your gut response, your emotional waves, your intuitive nudges, or another way.
How do I find my decision-making style?
You'll need your birth information. Get a free copy of your chart and look for Authority. Then listen to the episode for your style in the Decision-Making series, starting with Episode 48.
What does sacral decision-making feel like?
With sacral decision-making style, you're meant to listen to your body's gut response before you speak. Specific, time-bound yes or no questions help. The answer often comes as a sound or a movement, like an "uh-huh," an "uh-uh," or a shrug when you're not sure.
How can I start trusting my body's signals?
Think back to a decision that worked out well and one that didn't, and notice how each one felt. Then get curious about how your style shows up in your body now. With every layer you go deeper, and it gets clearer and clearer.
Resources mentioned
Get your free Human Design chart
The Decision-Making series, starting with Episode 48: Certainty in Decision-Making
Connect with Mary
Return Community (join the interest list): community.maryclavieres.com
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/mary-clavieres-19917a7
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Voxer: @maryclavieres
Full episode transcript
Hello and welcome to Find Yourself, Change Your Life. I'm your host, Mary Clavieres. This podcast is about making clear decisions, navigating change, and coming back to yourself. For today, I wanted to talk about getting out of your head, because you really can't think your way to every decision as much as you might want to. Trust me, I've tried. It doesn't really work so well.
Okay, so I wanted to share a little bit around decision-making and how we are meant to make decisions versus how most of us have been taught to make decisions, because they are two very different things. And I really believe that the way forward in this world is by making decisions in a way that's aligned to you. That is how we access our highest alignment. If you want to access what is meant for you and live out your purpose and feel connected and like you're having an impact in this world and all of the things, then you really want to be making decisions from a place of alignment for you and what works for you. And surprise, surprise, yet not surprising, what works for you may not work for someone else and vice versa, because we are each uniquely designed to do things in our own way.
Okay, so most of the time you may have been taught to do things that are pretty practical in nature, like make a pros and cons list, or talk about each of the sides and weigh all of the different options. And what I'm going to share with you here is that, okay, yes, sometimes those have a time and a place depending on the situation, but actually making decisions is something that is meant to happen in relationship with your body. So you're not meant to make decisions only from your mind. I'm not saying you don't use your mind sometimes to process things and as a tool in some ways, of course. But I'm saying you actually need to layer that in with your body's response, because most of the time we are meant to be using our body in some way, shape, or form to help make that decision for us, because our bodies actually are super intelligent and know so much more and respond to things more truthfully most of the time than our minds do.
And I have a lot of different examples of this, and I've talked about some of this on the podcast before, but the first thing that I want you to understand from all of this is that decisions are meant to be made in relationship with the body, not only from the mind. And a tool that I like to use with this is called Human Design. It's a tool that shows you a lot about your mind-body connection and can help you to understand how your mind works, and then also how your body works and operates, and how you can bring those two together. It's really magical and beautiful and a great system. And with this system, there are seven different decision-making styles. So that's a lot of the work that I use with people. And when I do a Decision Making Accelerator session, it's really around helping them to understand their unique decision-making style and to use that as they're making any big decisions in their life.
Because most of the time we want to talk things out and weigh the pros and cons and do all of that, and then we end up where we started. We're just tired and overthinking and no closer to making a decision. But once you learn about your unique decision-making style and then start practicing that and noticing how it feels in your body and how you work with your body, it changes the game. I have not had someone yet tell me, when they learned about their decision-making style, oh, that doesn't resonate for me. I haven't had it, because this is just how much it's connected and a part of us. It's super fascinating, to be honest. And if some people have been hesitant here or there, I would say it's usually been because of conditioning, because they have relied so much on their mind, or they have shut down parts of their body, and they say, I'm not sure, but I'm open to taking a look at that more. So that can happen, but it's really in the minority.
So Human Design is a tool. What you can do is get a copy of your Human Design chart. You'll need your birth information. I have a page on my site where you can get a free copy. You just go to maryclavieres.com/getyourchart. I'll put a link in the show notes, and you can see which decision-making style you have. It'll be listed as Authority on the chart. Authority is the way of saying decision-making style in Human Design terms. And then I do have a podcast episode series that goes into all of the different styles. So there are seven different decision-making styles, and I did an episode on each one. That starts with episode 48 of the podcast, and you can go ahead and listen to that intro at episode 48 and then look through the next few episodes and find the one for your decision-making style, whether it's emotional or sacral or splenic, and so on and so forth. And you'll get some examples in there of how your decision-making style works, and also questions you can ask yourself, reflection prompts you can use to go deeper into it and build a stronger relationship with yourself in this way.
Okay, what I have found really is that as you practice that, as you become more aware and curious about, okay, how does this work for me? How is my body giving me information? Even if you look at past decisions that you've made that have worked out well or have not worked out well, and you reflect on those, you can see where some of those connections are with your body or otherwise. And it's a very powerful tool.
I tell people all the time, I use this with my daughter. When I found out one of my daughters had sacral decision-making style, it was such a game changer for me in the way that I parent. Because I had always been telling her when she was little, use your words, use your words, because I was teaching her how to speak more and thought it was a good supportive thing to do. And then I learned she has sacral decision-making style, and with sacral decision-making style you're meant to listen to your body's gut response. So it's actually how your body reacts and the signs that it gives before you speak anything out from your mouth. Because if you're speaking, then you're overriding the body and using the mind to say something. You're giving your body the signal that the mind wants to say something instead. So I was telling her, use your words, and shutting down her body response.
So after that, I learned and I started to ask her questions. And there's a lot of layers and nuance into all of the decision-making stuff, so please definitely go listen to your episode. You'll get more details there. But for sacral decision-making style, it's supportive to have specific and time-bound yes/no questions so that the body can respond with a yes or a no or an I don't know. So I started asking her yes/no questions and looking at her body as she was responding, to see what it responded to me. So whether it was a shrug of the shoulders, like when she's not sure, she's undecided about something, her shoulders go up right away and she gives a shrug. But then if it's a yes or a no, it might be like an uh-huh or uh-uh gut response. It's not going to be words. It's not going to be traditional words. It's going to be a body response.
And that completely changed the game for me on understanding how our mind and our body are connected for things like decision-making. Because once we learn that and then start to get curious about observing it and watching it and seeing how it shows up for you, it'll completely change how you work with your body and how you process decisions. You might still go to the mind first and try making your lists and see what makes sense. But you're going to also end up watching what your body does, or you're going to pay attention to your emotional waves, or you're going to listen to your intuitive nudges if you have splenic decision-making style, for example. Whichever way you are meant to make aligned decisions, it will just become clearer and clearer and clearer for you. And that's the part of how you get out of your head: by leaning into your body response and having a deeper connection with your own body.
Oh my goodness. There's so much there. I won't go into all of it, but our bodies are with us all the time. They're talking to us all the time. And most of the time we are barely paying attention to them unless something is wrong or something is hurting. And by learning this way of making decisions, you will be able to be more proactive in your relationship with your body so that you can make decisions that are more aligned and have it be something that you really trust and feel guided by, instead of feeling like you're floundering or you're overthinking or asking other people what they think and all of that other kind of stuff. Trust me, I've done all those things for sure. And everyone has their process and their way, and there's nothing wrong with any of it. And I will say, when you can start to get a handle on this and learn about how you're meant to make decisions, and with every layer go deeper and deeper into it, it will change so many things in your life, not only how you make decisions. Honestly, it'll change a lot of your relationship with your body and how you work with it and how you move about the world, really, is what it comes down to.
So if you're looking to get out of your head, because you know it's not your way forward, then I definitely encourage you to take a look. Check out that episode series that starts with episode 48 and learn about your decision-making style. And of course, if you want to go deeper with that, I offer Decision Making Accelerator sessions, because that is also another way to get into the next layers of your style and what it means and what you're filtering for. Because even with your decision-making style, you will be filtering through certain lenses of how you see the world, different themes, if you will. So there's a lot that can be done with it on different levels, depending where you're at.
So the main takeaway here is that getting out of your head, getting out of your mind, moving into your body, and paying attention to that body response is the key to making decisions in a way that's more aligned with you.
So the invitation for homework and reflection would be to first find your decision-making style. I'll put the link in the show notes to get your chart and everything. Learn more about your style, listen to the decision-making series for that, and then just get curious and start to look and see, okay, how does my style usually show up in my body? Or what are some examples? Think back to examples of when decisions worked out well and when they didn't, and how those felt to you. Whenever I ask someone to do that, they surely have an example or two that they think of right away, and they say, oh yeah, that one didn't work out so well, or that one did, that was great. And then they can see the difference between them and what was different about how they were processing and making those decisions.
So that's the invitation for you: to get curious, because as you open up to this, it'll get you out of your head. You'll be making more aligned decisions in ways that feel empowering to you and really unique to you, because no one else can make the decisions for you and have them be for your highest alignment. That's not how it works, right? So I'm encouraging you to embrace that and embrace your design.
Okay. So thank you so much for being here. If this episode resonated and you thought of someone else that might like it, please feel free to share with them. It is the best way for the podcast to get seen and heard by more people. So I deeply appreciate it. And thank you so much for being here. I hope you have a great rest of your day, and I'll talk to you next week.
