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Hello and welcome to Find Yourself, Change Your Life. I’m your host, Mary Clavieres. This podcast is here to help you rediscover yourself and become the leader of your life, however you want that to look.

For today’s episode, we are continuing the Summer of the Self series. This is a series of short and sweet episodes that are really meant to help you come back to yourself in some way. We’re looking at all different aspects from the mind, the body, the self, the soul — all these different places where you might find something and discover something about you.

Each episode is an invitation to take a look at something in your life or an area that you may want to explore more. It doesn’t mean that you need to be fixed in some way. This is really an invitation to support you in wherever you are going, wherever you are on your growth journey.

Who Am I Really?

For today’s episode, we are taking a look at the question: who am I really?

Because at the end of the day, we all play many roles in our lives. This can be through the family aspect, with roles of son or daughter and brother or sister or niece or nephew… all of these different relationships. We also play roles in our work as colleagues and coworkers or bosses or managers or leaders within organizations. We also may have a spouse or a partner, or be a parent or a caregiver to someone.

There are so many different roles that we play in our lives, and it can be really easy to lose yourself in that process and allow all those roles to take over. And then at the end you’re left saying, well, wait, who am I? What’s happening? Is this the life I really planned? Is this the life that feels right to me? Is this the life that I really want?

How Conditioning Shapes the Roles We Play

I’ve talked a lot before on this podcast about conditioning, this concept of how from the time that we’re born, we are conditioned by the world around us, whether that’s through our parents and our family unit at home. It also happens at school with our peers and our friends and also teachers and caregivers and everybody.

This happens over time. It’s not right or wrong. It’s not something that can be avoided. It’s part of what shapes us. And at the same time, it’s really important to pay attention to the fact that we’ve been conditioned our whole lives. How can we take a look at that and recognize what was conditioning and recognize who we are separate from that conditioning?

And so that is very relevant also to these roles that we play, because as we’ve been conditioned, we kind of develop these different roles.

The Different Hats We Wear

You have friends and different relationships, people that you go to for different things, right? So you might have a friend that you go and share your deepest, darkest, saddest things with, and then another friend that you talk to usually only about work stuff, and then another friend that you talk to about parenting and the struggles that you’re having and what you’re going through.

You have these different people for these different parts of your life. At the same time, it’s like you have these roles that you play in your own story and these different hats that you’re wearing.

And when you can take a look at this to kind of see and identify, okay, what are all these different roles that I’m playing? Who am I within these roles, and then who am I outside of these roles?

The Example of Being a Mother

I find, especially with things like parenting, I can speak for myself from being a mother, it’s very easy to adopt the role of mother and kind of hold on tight to it and make it the identity. The identity of self. It’s like, that’s my thing. I’m a mom.

And then when I recognize that or see that in myself, I say, yes, I’m a mom, and I’m all these other things, and underneath all that, I’m Mary.

You have all those different things, and yes, those are great, and those are experiences, and it’s part of what shapes you. And you are still you underneath all of that, and you are allowed to exist as yourself besides all those roles.

Who Are You Underneath All of It?

So I thought that was very fitting as part of this Summer of the Self series to say, hey, let’s take a look. What are those roles that you play? And who are you underneath all those roles? Who are you, and what do you really want for yourself in this life?

Now, that can be a big question. It’s two big questions. So no pressure to figure it out in this moment. But what I wanted to share was just to get you thinking about that, and you are invited to explore that a little bit more.

Tools for Self Discovery

There are loads of tools. I am very much of the mindset find what works for you and use that. It’s different tools in the toolkit. You pick the tools that you like best and you use those. You don’t have to do it like anybody else.

I have loads of tools in Mind Body Connection Unlocked. There’s lots of things in there that you can use. You can also find other things that work better for you.

But some of the things that I like to go back to are having practices and rituals that support your self discovery.

Journaling. I find journaling is a great way to kind of get it all out there. I actually have a few different approaches to journaling. I’ll do journaling sometimes that really matches the Artist’s Way format (I love Julia Cameron’s book and journal). The premise is to kind of write your morning pages every morning, write a few pages to get all the stuff out of your head. So there’s that type of journaling that helps just to kind of empty out.

And then there’s also the journaling that’s really more reflective on the journey and where you are and kind of processing whatever’s coming up. So there’s different ways that you can approach journaling depending on what it is that you need in a certain moment. The same tool can work different ways for you.

Walking in nature. Another tool that I love is taking walks by myself and really grounding myself into my own energy. I think the best thing you could do for yourself with any of this self exploration is to be in your own energy, to kind of have some space and time away from other people and allow yourself to see what it feels like to you.

And it could be anything. It doesn’t have to be journaling or walking. You can go do your favorite sport or your favorite workout or some other type of activity. It’s just to be in your own space. I find that really connects you back to the essence and the soul remembrance of who you are.

Your Reflection for This Week

What I’d love for you to take away from this episode is just first recognizing that you do play all these different roles. And you may have already known that, but you can take a look more deeply now at okay, what are these different roles that I play? And then who am I separate from these roles?

Those would be great journaling prompts if you want to play around with those and kind of get curious. And it can sound really simple. That’s okay. We’re not here to over complicate things, but you can really get a lot out of the simplicity sometimes.

You can also have things that you love about those roles. And that’s great. That’s a part of who you are. And I’m sure there’s parts of you that are not attached to any of those roles. Like if you didn’t have that role, what would you be doing with your time? How would you be? How would you be showing up?

You are someone in your own right that is doing amazing things in the world and deserves to be seen, heard, valued, understood for all of it.

We’ll continue the series next week. We’re going to talk about not being good enough and some of those mental blocks that may come your way. I hope you’re enjoying these episodes.

If you ever have any questions, please reach out. My contact info is in the show notes. I’m on the social channels and on Voxer. I’d love to hear from you. I hope you have a great week. Thank you so much for being here and I’ll talk to you soon.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What does “who am I really” mean? A: It’s the question beneath all the roles and identities we carry as mother, leader, partner, colleague, caregiver. Strip those away and ask: who is there? What do I actually want? What lights me up when nobody’s watching and nothing is expected of me? It’s not a question to answer in a moment… it’s an ongoing exploration and a doorway into a deeper relationship with yourself.

Q: Why is it so easy to lose yourself in the roles you play? A: Because the roles are real and demanding, and the world around you reinforces them constantly. As Mary shares in this episode, conditioning shapes the roles we play from the time we’re born. Before long, the role can become the identity and the self underneath gets harder to access.

Q: How do I figure out who I am outside of my roles? A: Start by identifying the roles. Write them all down. Then ask: who am I separate from these? What do I love that has nothing to do with any of these roles? If I didn’t have these roles, what would I be doing with my time? How would I be showing up? These journaling prompts from this episode are a great place to start.

Q: What is the Artist’s Way and morning pages? A: The Artist’s Way is a book by Julia Cameron focused on creative recovery and self discovery. Morning pages is a practice from the book where you write three longhand pages every morning, a brain dump to get everything out of your head. It’s one of the journaling approaches Mary references in this episode as a tool for self exploration.

Q: Do I have to give up my roles to find myself? A: No. As Mary says, you can love your roles. They’re part of who you are and part of what shapes you. The invitation isn’t to abandon them… it’s to also see yourself as something that exists beneath and beyond them. You are allowed to exist as yourself besides all those roles.

Q: What tools does Mary recommend for self discovery? A: In this episode she shares two: journaling (including the morning pages approach from The Artist’s Way, and more reflective processing journaling) and walking in nature alone. She also encourages you to find whatever works for you… a favorite sport, workout, or any activity where you can be in your own energy and space.

Q: What is the Summer of the Self series? A: It’s a summer podcast series from Find Yourself, Change Your Life with short weekly episodes and a reflection prompt each week. The series covers different aspects of the self: awareness, conditioning, the roles we play, the “not good enough” voice, trusting your body, emotions, energy management, spiritual signs, and outgrowing relationships… to help you come back to yourself over the summer months.

Q: What is coming next in the series? A: Next week’s episode is about the “not good enough” voice… where it came from and why it isn’t true. A big topic and one a lot of people will relate to.

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