Hello and welcome to Find Yourself, Change Your Life. I’m your host, Mary Clavieres. This podcast is here to help you rediscover yourself and become the leader of your life, however you want that to look.

For today’s episode, I want to cover something that you’re probably really familiar with. I think a lot of us experience it, but we don’t always have the words to talk about it and know how to express it.

And this is around the feeling of looking at your life and feeling you’ve checked all the boxes, you’ve done all the things. It all looks great on paper, but something isn’t quite right internally. Something doesn’t feel aligned with where you’re at and you’re wondering why that is.

Why I’m Sharing This Now

I’ve been working on a book chapter for my friend and Human Design teacher Jamie Palmer’s deconditioning book. This book is all about the process of coming back to the self and looking at what that journey has been like. And it’s had me reflecting on a lot of things that feel very relevant to, I think, what a lot of us go through.

I really do believe that we go through this and it doesn’t have to be just once. It might happen to us on multiple occasions.

And it’s really a process. Life is a process of rechecking in with the self and making sure that you’re feeling connected to who you are, who you’re being, what you’re doing, and finding and holding that deeper purpose and meaning into why you’re here.

How We Lose Ourselves — It Happens Slowly

I also don’t believe that we just give up on ourselves one day. I think it happens very slowly over time that we just start putting other things in front of ourselves. And then you look and one day you say, wait, but what happened here? I have all these things or I’ve accomplished all of this, but I don’t really feel like it’s really me. Where am I in all of this?

So one of those stories and examples for me was when I still had my corporate job. I had two young daughters at home. I was building a product business on the side and running a local community for mom business owners. I was busy. I had a lot going on.

And one morning I woke up and my teeth felt like they were going to fall out. My whole mouth hurt. I literally ran to the bathroom and I was like, what’s happening to my teeth? They all looked fine in the mirror. But I took an appointment for the dentist that day and I went and he said I was grinding my teeth.

Grinding your teeth is usually done in your sleep. You don’t really know. So I didn’t know until it caused me so much pain and I was grinding so much that I woke up in the morning with this extreme pain.

And that was really a big turning point for me. A really big check-in point, let’s say, to say, okay, what’s happening here? What am I doing? How much am I in alignment or not? Because clearly, clearly this is too much and it’s not quite working correctly for me.

So I had all these different things going on and I really, it was a moment where I had to force myself to step back and look and say, how do I want to be showing up? How do I want to take care of myself? What is all of this for?

It Can Happen More Than Once

Another time that this showed up for me in a big way was when my family moved from the US to France. Because I left a whole life behind to start a new one somewhere else and in a country where I spoke French, I had taken lessons already years before, but I was not fluent. I was not comfortable to just walk up to people in different places and just start speaking to them in French.

When you move with your family and you’re setting things up again, there was this moment of, okay, I’m getting things set up in the home, I’m making sure that the kids are set up with what they need and they’re feeling good in school, and I’m getting acclimated to new surroundings and trying to find new local friends in person, all of these different things.

And again, it was like, okay, where am I in all of this and how am I taking care of myself? And does this feel aligned for me?

I 1000% believe that we were meant to move here, and I’m very happy living here. And it was a process, and there was a lot that went into all of that.

The Key in All of It

These things can happen whether you’re going through a big life change by choice — something that you’ve decided to do — or if it’s something that comes up more unexpectedly, like what happened with my teeth. I wasn’t expecting to be in that pain.

It can happen different ways, but the key to all of it is taking these moments and checking in with self to see, okay, where am I now? And is this the path that I want to be on?

And it’s something that you just keep doing over and over in your life because you really are the one person that you are with your whole life when you think about it. Any of your other relationships are a part of your life. They can be a big part of your life, but you are always with yourself.

It Was a Lot of Moments That Piled Up

I realized in that moment… even though it was a big moment coming that kind of opened me up to it… it was a lot of moments along the way that piled up to get there.

So it’s important to note that this really comes over time. Don’t set an expectation that it will be fixed in a moment, because that’s not really realistic.

And the process of getting back to self can also happen over time. So for that reason, I am kicking off this new summer series that is all about the self. Summer of the Self, friends.

Introducing: Summer of the Self

The plan is for these to be short episodes, but give you a reflection or a prompt that you can bring awareness to. Because I personally believe we can never talk too much about these things.

We’ll look at it from different angles. We’ll check in with different parts of what you’re going through, connected also with the mind and the body and the spirit and kind of look through these different lenses, but have this really be a time for you.

I know schedules can be busy and rhythms are different in the summer. Take what resonates and leave the rest as always. But my hope is that you find something here to support where you are in this moment and where you’re planning to go in the future.

For today, I wanted to give you a reflection prompt that really just starts with awareness. Okay. There’s nothing to be done. This series is definitely not all about doing all the time.

Your Reflection Prompt for This Week

I invite you, with any of these reflection prompts, to journal on them, take a walk and reflect, do a meditative reflection and just sit quietly and see what comes to mind. See how it feels for you. Try it on. Find the tool that works for you and use that. It doesn’t have to be a certain way. It has to be the way that works for you.

And that’s also part of the process… rediscovering yourself and learning more of those things about yourself.

The prompt for today:

On a scale from 1 to 10, how connected do you feel to yourself right now?

This question is meant to bring awareness into your field about your relationship with yourself. How connected do you feel? This question can mean different things to different people. Take it to mean whatever feels right for you. Everybody’s journey is unique.

In the coming weeks, we will go through more things. It’ll be lots of fun and I say fun because I love this stuff so much. Next week, we’re going to talk about the things that shape who we think we are. It’s a really big topic and I’m excited for that too.

Summer of the Self. If you’re here following along with this, click the follow button. You can message me if you have any questions. My mission is really to support each and every one of you, anyone listening, with this process. It’s something that I’ve been going through for my whole life and I want to continue to share it with others in hopes that it supports them too.

Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for listening today and be sure to tune in next week when we continue the series.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What does “how to find yourself again” actually mean? A: It’s the process of reconnecting to who you really are beneath all the roles, expectations, and conditioning that have built up over time. It’s asking: where am I in all of this? What do I actually want? How aligned does my life feel with who I truly am? It doesn’t mean your life is falling apart, it can happen even when everything looks great on the outside.

Q: How do you know when you’ve lost yourself? A: Mary describes it as that feeling of having checked all the boxes, done all the things, and having life look great on paper, but something isn’t quite right internally. It can also show up physically, like in her story about waking up with extreme tooth pain from grinding her teeth in her sleep. Your body often signals what your mind hasn’t caught up to yet.

Q: Does losing yourself happen all at once? A: No. As Mary shares, it happens very slowly over time, through small decisions, saying yes when you mean no, putting everyone else first, and slowly chipping away at your connection to self. It’s a lot of moments that pile up. Which also means the process of coming back to yourself happens over time too.

Q: What is the Summer of the Self series? A: It’s a summer podcast series from Find Yourself, Change Your Life focused entirely on the self… your relationship with yourself, the things that shaped you, the roles you play, and how to reconnect to who you really are. Each episode is short and includes a reflection prompt or journaling question you can use throughout the week.

Q: What is the reflection prompt for this episode? A: On a scale from 1 to 10, how connected do you feel to yourself right now? There’s nothing to solve or fix… it’s simply an invitation to bring awareness to where you are in your relationship with yourself at this moment in your life.

Q: What is deconditioning? A: Deconditioning is a term used in Human Design for the process of coming back to your true self by unlearning the conditioning you’ve accumulated through school, family, society, work, and relationships. It’s the process of asking: what’s actually me, and what did I inherit from somewhere else?

Q: I feel this way but I don’t know where to start. What do you suggest? A: Start small. As Mary shares, her own journey back to self started with one minute of gratitude on a walk outside. You don’t have to overhaul everything at once. Start with awareness, just notice where you are. This reflection prompt (1 to 10, how connected do you feel?) is a good first step.

Q: How long does it take to find yourself again? A: It’s not a one-time fix. It’s an ongoing process of checking in with yourself… especially during big life changes, transitions, or moments when your body or circumstances force you to stop and look. Mary has done this process multiple times throughout her life, including during her corporate years and after moving to France.

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