Hello and welcome to Find Yourself, Change Your Life. I'm your host, Mary Clavieres. This podcast is here to help you rediscover yourself and become the leader of your life—however you want that to look.

Today we're continuing the Decision Making Series. This series started a few episodes back, so if you haven't already, listen to the kickoff episode where I explain a lot of the foundations around decision-making, how we go about it usually, how we're conditioned, all of the things. Please go ahead and scroll back and listen to that one. It's Episode 48. It really lays the groundwork for everything that we're talking about.

If you've already been following along, welcome. I'll just give a quick recap here that if you don't already have your Human Design chart, you can gr ab your free chart here. Human Design is a tool that I use to talk through this decision-making series. And if you want to know your unique decision-making style to follow along with that, then please go ahead and grab your chart.

Have you ever made a decision because you thought you should... not because you actually wanted to?

Maybe you said yes to a job opportunity that looked perfect on paper. Or you committed to something because it seemed like the responsible choice. Or you stayed in a situation longer than you wanted to because leaving felt selfish.

And underneath all of it... your heart wasn't in it.

If this sounds familiar, you might have what's called heart decision-making style (also known as heart authority or ego authority in Human Design).

And if you do, this might be the most important thing you learn about yourself.

heart ego authority is about what you really want

What Is Heart Decision-Making?

Each decision-making style I've talked about, we really want to tune into our mind-body connection. This is all about getting out of the mind, tuning back into our bodies and seeing how our bodies are leading us where we want to go.

For heart decision-making style, this is all about following what your heart wants. It's about tuning into where do you feel those deeper desires? How do they show up for you? And is this decision that you're about to make something that you really feel passionately about, something that your heart really wants for you? Or is it something that's maybe mediocre or maybe a no, depending on how you feel?

Heart decision-making is all about one question: Is my heart in this?

Not "Is this the smart choice?" Not "What will people think?" Not "Is this the responsible thing to do?"

But... do I actually want this?

If you have heart decision-making style, clarity comes when you tune into what you truly desire. Not what you think you should desire. Not what would make other people happy. What you want.

This style operates on a simple principle: if your heart is in it, it's a yes. If your heart isn't in it, it's a no.

It's very much in the spirit of "hell yes or no."

quote about what you really want ego authority human design

The 'Should' vs 'Want' Trap

Here's the biggest challenge with heart decision-making:

Most of us have been conditioned to override what we want.

We've learned to ask:

"What should I do?"

"What's the responsible choice?"

"What will make everyone else happy?"

And we've stopped asking: "What do I actually want?"

For me, the word "should" is a huge red flag.

Anytime you catch yourself saying "I should do this" or "I should want this," pause. That's not your heart talking. That's conditioning. That's external pressure. That's worry about what other people think.

Heart decision-making isn't about what you should do. It's about what you want to do.

key takeaways about what you really want ego authority

The Guilt That Shows Up

Here's what I see most often with clients who have heart decision-making style:

They feel guilty for wanting things for themselves.

They think about family members. Co-workers. Loved ones. Anyone who might be impacted by their decision.

And they override what they want because it feels selfish to put themselves first.

I had one client tell me: "Mary, I felt so much guilt anytime I tried to make decisions this way. And now I'm realizing it's actually just how I make decisions."

Yes. That's exactly it.

If you have heart decision-making style, consider this your permission slip:

It's okay to put yourself first when making decisions.

Not in a way that harms others. But in a way that honors what you actually want.

This decision-making style is firstly really for yourself. Now I don't believe it's an aligned decision if it harms someone else, so let's just put that out there. But it's really about considering for yourself. And so the way I look at this is if you have this style and you feel guilty, if you're trying to decide something and taking your own needs and wants into consideration ahead of everyone else's, then it's an invitation for you to get curious about that and check in with where's that coming from?

quote about what you really want with ego authority

Why Following Your Heart Isn't Selfish

You can consider this a permission slip to put yourself first, put yourself in front and see is this something I really want? And that's the biggest change that I see with clients that have this decision-making style is that once I talk about that and they feel like they have that permission slip for themselves, it completely shifts the energy and the direction of what they're doing and of how they're deciding. So it can really be something that seems small but actually makes a big change.

I had one client tell me afterwards, she said, "Mary, I felt so much guilt for any time I would think this way or try to make decisions this way. And now I'm realizing it's actually just a part of how I make decisions." And I said, yes, that's exactly it. And all the more reason to embrace yourself, embrace your unique design and start leaning into that.

Because actually what I really believe is that at the end of the day, if we're each aligned to making decisions the way we're meant to be making decisions, it puts us in resonance and alignment with so many things that are on our path, with our purpose and aligned to who we truly are that it benefits everybody. It doesn't only benefit you. Even if you might feel in the beginning that this decision-making style feels a little bit selfish because you're putting yourself first, actually by choosing yourself, it ripples out and supports everyone else because you're most in alignment with you.

I really believe that for each and every one of us, and I especially like to say it for anyone with heart decision-making style, because again, this decision-making style can seem a little bit selfish in a way, but it's really not meant to be viewed like that. It's really meant to be viewed at what do I really want? Because that's what's going to help me decide if this situation in front of me is a yes or is a no. That's how it works. So being able to tune in with that is really important.

Where It Shows Up In Your Body

I would also like to add that when you're looking at that, when you're reflecting on is my heart in this or not, please also pay attention to where this shows up in your body. When you build a relationship and become in tune with how your body responds to things, it's going to make the process so much easier for you because you're going to get those signals from your body, you're going to pay attention to them and you're going to say, oh yeah, actually this is how it goes for me.

So tune in and pay attention. When something really feels like a yes, when you're really excited, you feel like your heart is really in it and you're committed to this thing that you're about to embark on, where does that show up in your body? Does it show up in your heart space? Do you get excited? Butterflies? What are the things that happen? And then conversely, if it's really feeling like, ooh, that's a no, my heart is not in that thing, I don't want to do it. Where does that show up in your body? Because that will also have its own communication signal to you to say, oh, this is not it.

Paying attention to the two of them and starting to observe where does it show up, how does it show up for you, what does it feel like is really important for taking this to a deeper level and really working with your decision-making style in a different way. Because that's what we're here to do. We're here to get you operating in a way that's in more and more alignment. So it requires some shifts and some changes because if not, you'll still be doing the same things over and over again. We want to start to get rid of that decision fatigue and the overthinking and all those things and tune into how you can trust yourself and trust your body.

reflections questions for ego authority and what you really want

Make Sure You're in Your Own Energy

Another thing I'd like to add, especially for heart decision-making style, it's really important to make sure that you are in your own energy when you're making these decisions, that you're not being influenced by outside people. Really it's true of all of the decision-making styles, but I say it especially for this one—it's really important to make sure that you're clear, you're in your own space, that you're not being influenced by other people.

Oftentimes we're so used to being around other people that we're influenced by them without even realizing it. My favorite way to decompress from this or kind of separate from external influences is to go on walks in nature. There's loads of ways that you can do it, but that just happens to be one of my favorites because nature is so healing and cleansing in a way. And also when I go on the walks by myself, it's just me out there with the wind and the trees and the sun, hopefully.

That's another invitation with all of this… make sure when you're tuning in to yourself that you're really actually tuning into yourself and you're not holding on to someone else's desire. Especially with heart authority, it's really easy to get influenced by what other people want or other people's desires in ways that you don't even realize. And then all of a sudden you're like, "Wait, oh, I want this, I want this." And you're like, "Wait, why do I want this?" And you realize that actually that's something that someone else wanted.

I can tell now, even for myself, I can tell when this happens to me. I don't have heart decision-making style, but I can tell when I've been in the energy of someone that has their heart center defined, they have consistent access to this energy. I can tell if I'm around them for too long that it's rubbing off on me. And then I have to tune in and say, oh actually wait, whose is this? Whose energy is this? Because it's not mine. And for you, if you have heart decision-making style, it's really important to pay attention to—is this my heart talking or someone else's?

Questions to Ask Yourself

All of this comes back to the mind-body connection.

Heart decision-making isn't about thinking harder. It's about feeling more deeply.

It's about tuning out the noise of what you think you should do and tuning into what your body is telling you.

The more you practice this... the more you honor what you actually want... the clearer your decisions become.

And honestly? Life gets so much easier when you stop fighting yourself.

If you're navigating a decision right now and you're not sure if your heart is in it...

Pause. Get quiet. And ask yourself:

"Do I really want this? Or do I think I should want this?"

That question alone can change everything.

If you haven't already heard about or downloaded the workbook, I do have a free workbook that goes with this. No matter what your decision-making style, if you download the workbook, there is a short summary on the decision-making style on each of the seven, and then there's also a couple reflection questions for each. I also have some backup material in there around the centers so you can see how they all work together. If you have your Human Design chart already, it's just a little extra info for you.

If you want to work one-on-one with this, because there are of course other layers and nuances to each of these decision-making styles and other parts that are unique to your chart, I do offer a Decision Making Accelerator session. It's a one-time session where we dive into your specific decision-making style and you'll walk away with a plan unique to you of how you can integrate this more and take this knowledge and learn to embody it.

Because it's one thing to know how something works from a logical perspective, and then it's another to actually use it, actually integrate it into your body and work with it in a way that's integrated and implemented with you. You walk away with a better understanding first of your specific decision-making style, the extra layers and nuances to it. Because you may have a secondary decision-making style or other parts of your chart that influence you. And then making a plan with that so that you can really use it and integrate it in a way that feels supportive, especially if you're navigating some big decisions right now.

I do get people that are working through a career change. For example, they might want to change jobs or something's come up, a new opportunity and they want to make sure that it's the right thing for them. Now, I never tell anyone what to do, of course, but I can provide some clarity on how you're meant to operate. And that's something you can take away and really use honestly for the rest of your life in some capacity. Because as we are all ever evolving, there's always something in it that's supportive to us.

I'll leave that there. All of the links are below. If you happen to know anybody that might find this series supportive to them and helpful in some way, please feel free to share. It's how the podcast gets seen and heard by more people, which I so deeply appreciate, because I really feel my work here is to invite more people to become aware of this. It's really such a game changer that if we can all work a little bit more towards understanding ourselves and better understanding those around us, it ripples out.

With that, thank you for being here. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to reach out. I'm on LinkedIn and Instagram. I'd love to hear from you. Thank you so much for listening, for being here. Thank you for your support. I appreciate you deeply.