#52: How to Decide What You Really Want (Not What You Should Want) [Heart / Ego Authority | Decision Making Series]
Have you ever made a decision because you thought you should... not because you actually wanted to?
Maybe you said yes to a job opportunity that looked perfect on paper. Or you committed to something because it seemed like the responsible choice. Or you stayed in a situation longer than you wanted to because leaving felt selfish.
And underneath all of it... your heart wasn't in it.
If this sounds familiar, you might have what's called heart decision-making style (also known as ego authority in Human Design).
And if you do, this might be the most important thing you learn about yourself.
What Is Heart Decision-Making?
Heart decision-making is all about one question: Is my heart in this?
Not "Is this the smart choice?" Not "What will people think?" Not "Is this the responsible thing to do?"
But... do I actually want this?
If you have heart decision-making style, clarity comes when you tune into what you truly desire. Not what you think you should desire. Not what would make other people happy. What you want.
This style operates on a simple principle: if your heart is in it, it's a yes. If your heart isn't in it, it's a no.
It's very much in the spirit of "hell yes or no."
The 'Should' vs 'Want' Trap
Here's the biggest challenge with heart decision-making:
Most of us have been conditioned to override what we want.
We've learned to ask:
"What should I do?"
"What's the responsible choice?"
"What will make everyone else happy?"
And we've stopped asking: "What do I actually want?"
For me, the word "should" is a huge red flag.
Anytime you catch yourself saying "I should do this" or "I should want this," pause. That's not your heart talking. That's conditioning. That's external pressure. That's worry about what other people think.
Heart decision-making isn't about what you should do. It's about what you want to do.
The Guilt That Shows Up
Here's what I see most often with clients who have heart decision-making style:
They feel guilty for wanting things for themselves.
They think about family members. Co-workers. Loved ones. Anyone who might be impacted by their decision.
And they override what they want because it feels selfish to put themselves first.
I had one client tell me: "Mary, I felt so much guilt anytime I tried to make decisions this way. And now I'm realizing it's actually just how I make decisions."
Yes. That's exactly it.
If you have heart decision-making style, consider this your permission slip:
It's okay to put yourself first when making decisions.
Not in a way that harms others. But in a way that honors what you actually want.
Why Following Your Heart Isn't Selfish
I really believe this:
When you make decisions that are truly aligned with what you want... when you choose yourself... it benefits everyone.
Not despite the fact that you're putting yourself first. Because you're putting yourself first.
When you're aligned to your heart's desires, you show up differently. You're more present. More energized. More fulfilled.
And that ripples out to everyone around you.
Heart decision-making can feel selfish at first. Especially if you've spent years overriding what you want.
But it's not selfish. It's aligned.
And aligned decisions always serve the highest good... including yours.
How to Tune Into Your Heart
So how do you actually practice heart decision-making?
Start by asking yourself:
"Is my heart in this?"
"Do I really want to do this?"
"Am I excited about this, or do I feel like I should do it?"
And then pay attention to where this shows up in your body.
When something is a true yes... when your heart is really in it... where does that show up? Do you feel expansion in your chest? Excitement? Energy? Butterflies?
And when it's a no... when your heart isn't in it... what does that feel like? Do you feel contraction? Heaviness? Resistance?
The more you pay attention to these signals, the easier it becomes to recognize them.
Your body knows. You just have to tune in.
Make Sure You're in Your Own Energy
One more thing that's really important for heart decision-making:
Make sure you're in your own energy when you're making decisions.
This is true for all decision-making styles, but especially for heart authority. It's really easy to get influenced by other people's desires without even realizing it.
You might think you want something... and then realize it's actually what someone else wanted.
So before you make a big decision, give yourself space to get clear.
Go for a walk in nature. Spend time alone. Journal. Meditate. Whatever helps you tune into yourself and separate from external influences.
And then ask: Is this my heart talking? Or someone else's?
The Mind-Body Connection
All of this comes back to the mind-body connection.
Heart decision-making isn't about thinking harder. It's about feeling more deeply.
It's about tuning out the noise of what you think you should do and tuning into what your body is telling you.
The more you practice this... the more you honor what you actually want... the clearer your decisions become.
And honestly? Life gets so much easier when you stop fighting yourself.
If you're navigating a decision right now and you're not sure if your heart is in it...
Pause. Get quiet. And ask yourself:
"Do I really want this? Or do I think I should want this?"
That question alone can change everything.
Sending you lots of love. Bye for now.
Links & Resources
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Connect with Mary:
LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/mary-clavieres-19917a7/
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Read Mary's Book:
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Previous Episodes in the Decision Making Series:
Episode 49: How to Make Better Decisions When You Need Time to Process (Emotional Authority)
