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Hello and welcome to Find Yourself, Change Your Life. I’m your host, Mary Clavieres. This podcast is here to help you rediscover yourself and become the leader of your life, however you want that to look.

For today’s episode, we are continuing the Summer of the Self series. If it’s your first time tuning in, this is a series of short and sweet episodes to get you to reconnect with yourself in some way. We’re exploring all different pieces… the mind, the body, the soul, how it all comes together. Anything to support you with getting back to yourself.

For today’s episode, we are taking a look at one of the ways the mind plays tricks on us. And I mean, it does for me. It likely does for you as well.

The Story of Not Good Enough

One of these ways is with the story of Not Good Enough.

There are so many ways that we keep ourselves stuck. Sometimes it’s hard to make these episodes short and sweet because there’s so much to be said. But I want these to be really something that you can take away without feeling weighted down by it.

There are so many ways that we keep ourselves stuck because we have some kind of fears about what’s out there. If we were to really reach our full potential in some way… it’s more comfortable to stay where we are. Even if the patterns are kind of sketchy, it’s what we know.

So I will leave that there. But it’s just to say that the different ways our minds keep us stuck is part of what blocks us from reconnecting and connecting more deeply to who we really are, to be able to get to those places that we really want to go.

For today I wanted to share one of those aspects, the story of Not Good Enough.

Now, you may relate very well to the story of Not Good Enough. Telling yourself that you are not good enough in some way. Telling yourself that you have to keep trying to achieve in a certain way. Or telling yourself that you are not worth it in some way. Whatever that story is for you, you’re invited to first take a look and reflect — what is that story for you?

And if you want to substitute the Not Good Enough with something else, please feel free. Okay.

Where the Story Came From

So you first take a look at what that story is for yourself. And then, if you feel up to exploring you can explore where that story came from.

It’s likely come from conditioning from over the years. Something from childhood, what have you. We all have them.

So you could first take a look at where it came from, if that’s supportive to you.

What If That Isn’t True?

But what I really want you to do is take a look at why it isn’t true. Because we spend so much time thinking about the story and being in that story and not taking a look at the other side of it. Like, well, what if that isn’t true? What if actually I am good enough and I have all of these things over here to show for it that I just don’t give any credit to.

I’m speaking from experience, friends. Speaking from experience.

So this is what I’d love for you to take a look at for yourself… the first part of what that story is, what that thought is that you go to all the time. And then taking a look at: well, actually, there’s another side to it.

The Truth Is

One of the tools that I love for this is an activity I’m calling The Truth Is.

It’s just another way of taking a look at all of this information. Basically what you can do is take a look and say, well, I always have this story of not good enough. Well, what if that story isn’t true? What is the truth?

Especially if you’re someone that feels like you really do look to the more negative side more often… if you’re very realistic or practical and your brain just kind of goes there, you want to invite it, lovingly, maybe a little forcefully sometimes, to also reflect on the positive things. Reflect on the other extreme. And to show what the other truth might be really.

Actually, there’s always multiple truths to any given situation or scenario. And it all depends on all the different perspectives.

So for whatever it is, that negative thought that you’re thinking about, go ahead and take a look at the opposite of that. You can fill in the blank, you can do a journaling activity around it, a reflection of some kind, and you say: the truth is. And then you take a look at what could be another truth of this scenario that is in the positive light.

Make the List

So if you’re looking at something like you’re not good enough, well, what are some of those truths that make you good enough? Can you list 10, 20, 50 different reasons and ways that you are amazing with whatever this thing is that you’re comparing?

Say, for example, you feel like you’re not good enough for a certain role or something with your work and you want to improve it in some way. Can you first identify what are all those places where you are really great and all those things that you have achieved?

I very often ask people to make a list of 50 things, and they have trouble getting to 50. Like when I do this for client work, they have trouble getting to 50. And it’s something that we talk through and work through because they’re in there. You have these things in you, but it’s likely that you don’t have the patterns of paying attention to those as much as you have the patterns and the comfort and the habit of paying attention to those negative things.

So it’s really important to take a look at those and know that that isn’t true, that there is another truth.

Celebrating What You’ve Already Done

Can you spend more time in the place of these other truths that are more supportive to you and more supportive to where you’re going?

I know what it’s like to spiral. And I’ll tell you, with spiraling, you can stay there, and it can bring you down, and you can stay there for a long time. Days, weeks, months. But in order to reprogram and to change how you show up every day, you need to be willing to break those spirals and interrupt it with something else.

And this is just one of those ways that you could do that.

We also just spend so much time in the negative, and we hardly spend any time celebrating ourselves and celebrating our wins. How many times have you accomplished something and said, okay, yeah, great, I did that. And then the next day it’s like it never happened, and you’re on to the next thing and you’re just always looking at what you haven’t achieved instead of also celebrating what you have achieved.

We do that all the time. All the time.

And this is a way that I want to invite you to change that and to take a look at, actually, these are the things that I’ve been accomplishing. I’m so proud of them. Yes, I have these other goals or dreams in mind, and I’m so happy with what I’ve done so far. And it’s amazing.

It’s finding that balance because that also helps you to enjoy where you are instead of letting it all speed on by. Staying in that perpetual motion of trying to achieve more and more and more instead of enjoying the present.

Your Invitation for This Week

For this episode, your invitation is to take a look at your story. If your story is not good enough, or if your story is something else… take a look at it and invite another perspective in.

Journal or reflect on your story in some way. Invite another perspective. Take a look at what is the truth for you.

I have lots of other activities in Mind Body Connection Unlocked that are there for you as well. But just take some time to take a look at one of those stories and see how you can reframe.

It’s so, so important for the process of coming back to self, of living in ways that you really want to live and really allowing yourself to go after those things.

We all deserve to be living in that way. So for you, what are the things that you can do to support yourself to live in that way, even if, and especially if, there are outside forces that don’t always feel supportive?

Thank you so much for being here. If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out on the socials or on Voxer. I’d love to hear from you. Have a great rest of your day and I’ll talk to you next week.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What is the “not good enough” story? A: It’s one of the most common ways our minds keep us stuck… a recurring thought pattern that tells us we need to achieve more, prove more, or be more before we’re worthy. As Mary shares in this episode, it often comes from years of conditioning. You may recognize yours as “not good enough,” “not worth it,” or some variation that’s specific to you.

Q: Where does the not good enough feeling come from? A: Usually from conditioning… stories and beliefs we absorbed from childhood, family, school, and society. Most of us didn’t consciously choose this story. It was handed to us somewhere along the way and we kept carrying it. The first step is identifying it and getting curious about where it came from.

Q: What is The Truth Is activity? A: It’s a reflection and journaling tool Mary introduces in this episode. The idea is simple: when you notice the “not good enough” thought (or whatever your version of it is), you write “the truth is…” and list all the evidence that the opposite is true. What have you accomplished? What are you great at? What does the other side of this story look like? It’s a way of lovingly, and sometimes forcefully, redirecting your brain from the negative pattern to a more complete picture.

Q: Why is it so hard to list 50 things I’ve accomplished? A: Because most of us have much stronger patterns of noticing what we haven’t done than what we have. We’re not in the habit of celebrating wins… we acknowledge something, move on, and immediately start looking at what’s next. The list of 50 is hard precisely because this muscle hasn’t been exercised. But those things are in there. They just need to be drawn out.

Q: What’s the difference between being positive and actually rewriting a story? A: Mary isn’t asking you to ignore the negative or pretend everything is great. She’s pointing out that there are always multiple truths to any situation. The “not good enough” voice is one perspective. The Truth Is activity invites you to look at the other perspective, not to replace reality but to get a more complete and accurate picture of it.

Q: What do I do if I find myself spiraling? A: Mary shares in this episode that spiraling is real… you can stay there for days, weeks, months. The invitation is to be willing to interrupt it. The Truth Is journaling activity is one way to do that. Other tools are available in her book Mind Body Connection Unlocked.

Q: What is the Summer of the Self series? A: It’s a summer podcast series from Find Yourself, Change Your Life with short weekly episodes and a reflection prompt or tool each week. This is Episode 4, covering the not good enough voice. Previous episodes covered awareness, conditioning, and the roles we play. Coming up: trusting your body, emotions as messengers, energy management, and more.

Q: What comes next in the series? A: Next week is Episode 5. Trusting Your Body: How to Read Your Body’s Signals and Come Back to Yourself.

Mind-Body Connection Unlocked Book:

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