Sometimes it's not the big criticism that sticks. It's the small, throwaway comment. Someone says one thing, you hold on to it for too long, and it quietly becomes part of how you see yourself.
On this week's episode of Find Yourself, Change Your Life, I'm sharing how to stop second-guessing yourself when other people's opinions get loud, a small comment I carried for years, and one question that helps you hear your own voice again. Listen below, read on, or scroll to the bottom for the full transcript.
Why do other people's opinions affect you so much?
We are conditioned by the world around us our whole lives. It starts from when we're born, by our family, our friends, teachers in school, and the people we work with. It's a normal process. You can't really avoid it.
The thing is, it can eventually become too much. You start caring about other people's opinions so much that it makes you second guess yourself, or you have a really hard time hearing your own voice.
And it can be really challenging to step out of, because the world is noisy and we're more connected than ever. If you want to push out other people's opinions and do your own thing, you have to be much more intentional about it.
What is deconditioning in Human Design?
In Human Design, we talk about being conditioned and then the process of deconditioning. Deconditioning is peeling away those layers of everything that has influenced you, so you can come back to the self, that inner spirit and inner knowing that is your true self.
I know this from personal experience. As I've stepped into my strengths, my inner knowing, and my uniqueness, and owned them, it has required me to separate from and let go of other people's thoughts and opinions.
It happens in big ways that we can easily see. It also happens in small ways that don't seem like much, but that we end up holding on to for far too long.
How one small comment stuck with me for years
Many years ago, when I was first learning about Human Design, I was chatting with someone in the Human Design space. I said something like, people say that I inspire them, or I like to inspire people.
She said back to me, "Oh, well, that seems like a lot of pressure. The need to inspire people is a lot of pressure."
I hadn't thought about it that way. I don't want to be worrying about what other people think, or trying to convince anyone of anything. So I said, okay, interesting. I remember it because I was a little bit confused by it, to be honest.
Fast forward at least seven or eight years. I was studying some of the deeper layers of my chart, and I learned that the one channel I have, the one place in my chart with consistent access to certain energies, is the channel of inspiration. It's about inspiring people without setting out to do it, simply by doing my thing and stepping into my uniqueness.
I was like, whoa. Someone told me it seemed like so much pressure to want to inspire people. And here it is sitting in my design as one of the easiest things for me to do.
Someone else's filters, and whatever they were working through, crept into how I saw myself. It was such a small thing, and it still had a big impact.
When is it okay to borrow someone else's belief?
Not every opinion is something to let go of. Sometimes it can be helpful to borrow someone else's belief, if it gives you more energy, feels really good, or helps you remember you're stepping into the next version of yourself.
You might hold on to it for a little while, until you have enough of your own energy and inner knowing to say, oh yeah, I believe that now. My Human Design teacher, Jamie Palmer, talks about borrowing a belief to help you get to your next level.
What I want you to pay attention to are the beliefs, thoughts, and opinions from other people that are not serving you. When you hold too many of those, you're running around based on them instead of on who you are and what you really want.
How do you stop second-guessing yourself?
Here's the question I use: Is that actually true for me?
Maybe a belief pops into your head, or you're working on something and think, I don't think I can do this because of so-and-so, or because someone said XYZ. Pause and ask yourself, is that actually true for me? Then get curious and see where it takes you.
As you question those things, you shed some of those layers and beliefs, and it supports you in standing in your own uniqueness.
I really believe the time is now for us to peel back those layers so we can show up in our highest alignment. When each of us does that, it has a positive ripple for everyone else.
Your invitation this week
If there's too much noise from other people and you're letting their opinions count for too much in your world, ask yourself: is that actually true for me? Journal on it, meditate, go for a walk, or process it whatever way you like, and see what comes up.
Curious what's actually true in your own design? Get your free Human Design chart here. It's a simple way to start separating who you are from what you've picked up along the way.
Frequently asked questions
How do I stop second-guessing myself?
Start by noticing when a belief or opinion came from someone else. Then pause and ask yourself, is that actually true for me? Get curious about where it takes you. As you question those beliefs, you shed some of those layers and come back to your own voice.
Why do other people's opinions make me second-guess myself?
We are conditioned our whole lives by our family, friends, teachers, and the people we work with. It's a normal process. But it can become too much, and then other people's opinions start to drown out your own inner knowing.
What is deconditioning in Human Design?
Deconditioning is the process of peeling away the layers of conditioning from the world around you, so you can come back to the self and the inner knowing that is your true self.
Can a small comment really affect how I see myself?
Yes. Small, seemingly throwaway comments can be the ones we hold on to for too long. Someone once told me that wanting to inspire people seemed like a lot of pressure. Years later, I learned inspiration is one of the most natural parts of my design.
Is it ever helpful to take on someone else's opinion?
It can be. If someone's belief in you gives you energy and helps you step into your next version, you can borrow it for a while, until you have enough of your own inner knowing to say, I believe that now.
How can I hear my own voice again?
Give yourself quiet space to process. Journal, meditate, or go for a walk with the question, is that actually true for me? See what comes up. The more you pay attention, the easier it becomes to say, I'm not going to take that on.
Resources mentioned
Get your free Human Design chart
You might also like
Episode 70: How to Be Yourself Beyond the Expectations and Stories You Inherited
Episode 72: Not Good Enough: Where That Voice Came From and Why It Isn't True
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Full episode transcript
Hello and welcome to Find Yourself, Change Your Life. I'm your host, Mary Clavieres. This is a podcast about making clear decisions, navigating change, and coming back to yourself. For today's episode, I wanted to talk about when other people's opinions make you second-guess yourself and how you can work through that. Because if you want to live in your highest alignment, you don't really want to be so impacted by other people's opinions, but that can be a hard thing to break.
Okay, so oftentimes in Human Design, we talk about the premise of being conditioned and then the process of deconditioning. So being conditioned is we are conditioned by the world around us, by our family, our friends, teachers in school, people we work with, our whole lives, right? So it starts from when we're born, and we are basically influenced and conditioned by everything and everyone around us. It's a normal process. You can't really avoid it. But the thing is, it eventually can become too much, and then you start caring about other people's opinions so much that it makes you second-guess yourself or really have a hard time hearing your own voice.
And I know this from personal experience, just as I've looked at my own process of stepping into my, let's say, my strengths, my inner knowing, my uniqueness in different ways and owning that. It has required me to separate and let go of those thoughts and opinions from other people. That process is called deconditioning. When we work towards peeling away those layers, we decondition from all of the conditioning that has happened to us, and we come back to the self and we come back to that inner spirit and inner knowing that is our true self. And it can be really challenging to do this because the world is noisy and we're more connected than ever. And it just makes for situations where you have to be much more intentional if you want to be pushing out other people's opinions and doing your own thing.
And what I really wanted to share here is that it can happen in so many big ways, of course, that we see. And then it can also really happen in small ways that don't seem like much, but actually are things that we end up holding onto for too long. And I have an example of that from my own life that I thought could be helpful for you, because it's almost like a seemingly throwaway type of thing. But then when you hold on to it for too long, it starts to become part of you and take over from who you truly are. And that's the part of the work that we are each here to do in our own ways, to set aside what other people think and do our own thing.
So the story from my experience, this was many years ago when I was first learning about Human Design. Before I started studying it and going through that process, I bought different materials and I was just trying to learn different aspects of my chart. And I was chatting with someone in the Human Design space. This was before I started studying, so it's not with my teacher, Jamie Palmer, who is so awesome, and I highly recommend her if you want to learn Human Design. But this was with someone else, and I was chatting with them, and I had said something about, well, you know, people say that I inspire them, or I like to inspire people in some way, something along those lines, right? And she said back to me, she was like, oh well, that seems like a lot of pressure. Like, the need to inspire people is a lot of pressure. And I was like, oh, okay, I hadn't thought about it that way, but I guess so, because I don't want to be worrying about what other people think, right? And that whole thing, and/or trying to convince anyone of anything. I'm certainly not here to do that. And so I said, okay, interesting. And I remember that situation because I was a little bit confused by it, to be honest.
And fast forward years and years later, and this was at least seven or eight years ago, so it's been a while, I was studying something else related to Human Design and studying some of the inner layers of my chart and just getting more understanding of some things. And turns out I was reading something about the one channel that I have, one piece of my chart where I have consistent access to certain energies, and it's the channel of inspiration. And it's all about inspiring people without necessarily saying, okay, I'm going to inspire people, but it's what my energy does by me doing my thing and stepping into my uniqueness. That's what that energy does. And I was like, whoa, okay. All those years ago, I remember this one person telling me something about, oh, it seems like so much pressure and so much work to inspire people or want to inspire people. And here it is sitting in my design as actually one of the easiest things for me to do without even necessarily knowing it, because it's just part of my energy.
And I still don't set out to say, okay, I'm going to inspire all of these people. It's not like that. But this example is really just showing how someone else's filters and what they're working through and whatever's happening for them can creep into our views on ourselves and have us holding on to things that aren't necessarily true or don't necessarily feel aligned for us. And this was such a small thing, but it just had me thinking how much even those small things can have a big impact. Because now, as I've been learning more and stepping more into the uniqueness of how I work and how I operate and owning that and following my process for things, whether that is with this podcast, for example, and how I come up with my topics or what I speak about or how I show up in the world, it doesn't really matter the example, but this is all part of me stepping into this next layer of myself. I'm realizing big and small places where I was conditioned by other people and other things, because it's always happening to us, right? But it's more about paying attention to it so that you can recognize it and be very conscious and say, okay, I'm not going to take that on. Yes, this person said this thing, and I'm not going to take it on.
Now sometimes I will say it can be helpful to borrow someone else's opinion if it is something that helps you to have more energy. If it energizes you, if it feels really good, if it helps you remember that you're really stepping into the next version of yourself, and if it pumps you up in some way, then that could be really helpful. And you might hold on to that or borrow it for a little while until you have enough of your own energy and your own inner knowing to say, oh yeah, I believe that now, right? It's like borrowing the belief from someone else. You can do that. And actually, my Human Design teacher Jamie Palmer talks about that sometimes, borrowing a belief so that it can help you get to your next level. That's great. What I want you to pay attention to is the times where you're holding on to beliefs or thoughts or opinions from other people that are not serving you. Because when you have those too often, then you're running around based on those instead of based on who you are and what you really want to be doing and where you want to be going.
Okay, so a question you can ask yourself for this is, is that actually true for me? So if you think about different things, or if a belief pops into your head, or you're working on something and you say, oh, well, I don't think I can do this because of so-and-so, or because someone said XYZ, you can pause and ask yourself, is that actually true for me? And see where it takes you. Just get curious and see where it takes you. Because as you question those things, you can shed some of those layers and shed some of those beliefs to support you with standing up and standing in your own uniqueness.
And so, yeah, I hope this example is something that resonates in some way, just highlighting those times where we do absorb from other people whether we mean to or not. And I just thought it was so funny, because here I am with access to this energy all the time of, I'm meant to follow what inspires me, and in doing that, it will inspire others in whatever way for them. That's fine. I have that energy in me, and I don't know how much I was holding onto it, but I was holding onto something that was quite the opposite, right? And thinking, oh well, that's a lot of pressure, so I'm not really here to inspire. Well, actually, I'm here to feel inspired and follow that inspiration, and then what it does for other people is outside of my control, is how I look at it. But it was an important piece for me and my design.
So it's just to show you how much conditioning we all have and how much we can really take on from other people. And I really truly believe the time is now for us to be peeling back those layers and learning more about ourselves so that we can show up in our highest alignment. That is the way forward for all of humanity. We're here to be in our highest alignment because that helps everyone else. It has a positive ripple for everyone else.
So yes, if you are feeling like there's too much noise from other people and you're making other people's opinions count for too much in your world, then perhaps reflect on, is that actually true for me? And see what comes up. See where you get. You might journal on it or meditate or process in another way. Go for a walk. Whatever you like to do, but see what comes up. Because again, it's just so important for each of us to be doing our thing and to be owning our gifts and to be stepping into more of that energy.
So, okay. With that, I will say thank you so much for being here. Thank you for listening today. If someone came to mind, please feel free to share this episode with them. It is how the podcast gets seen and heard by more people. I deeply appreciate your support. And yeah, again, thank you so much. Enjoy the rest of your day, and I'll talk to you next week.
